Unconditional Love and Change

Over the past few weeks, I have been doing a sermon series on Love. While most likely thought this series was created for Valentine's Day, they are all learning that I had a different idea in mind.

Love. What does love mean to all of us? What does love mean to people that haven't experienced love? Does love look more like violence? Does love scare people? Does love prohibit us from fully experiencing our lives out of fear of what may happen?

The United Methodist Church will face a vote at a special General Conference that starts Feb. 23rd. Bishops, delegates (the people that get to vote), clergy and lay people will gather in St. Louis, MO from all over the world to vote on the issue of human sexuality and the church. This vote has been up for discussion since the 1980's when the world of psychiatric deemed homosexuality was not a mental health disorder. Since then, the church has gone back and forth on the issue. Should they allow gay clergy? Should people of the same-sex get to marry in the church?

I spoke last Sunday on how we become the church in a world that tries to shut the church out. In a world that views the church as negative and in a world that puts people in different boxes based on their race, socio-economic status, gender and who they love.

How do we be the church? The one the first Apostles built? The one that is about change, the love of God and the Good News that Christ brought?

Love

Love

Love

I recently spoke to someone about the one-church plan that is going before the conference. This is the plan that the majority of the Bishops in the church are supporting. It is the plan that allows each local church to decide. It sounds simple enough- you decide what your church is going to do. Yet this plan still brings up questions for a lot of people. How does that work? What church am I suppose to go if I believe ___? Will churches leave? Will people leave our church?

Love

I just keep saying that word over and over again in my head. The church is at a crossroads and what the church does next will define the church for generations to come. Generations that will likely look at us and wonder why this mattered. I look back on giving the women the right to preach and wonder why it took so long- in awe that it took the church over 1950 years to finally make that possible when some of the most powerful people in scripture are...WOMEN! (getting side-tracked...)

So what do we do as a church? How do we keep going?

We love our way through it.

We love God, we love the church, we love our neighbors and we love all of God's people just as God tells us to through God's son, Jesus Christ.

Jesus came to this world to save us from ourselves, to show us what true love is and how to live that out in our everyday lives.

Jesus suffered and was killed at the hands of his own people yet even knowing this would happen he did the work of God. He healed the leper, he prayed with and taught women, he opposed the doings of the scribes and pharisees, he turned over the tables in the temple.

People fought against everything Jesus did and had to say but he stayed strong and went with one message.

Love.

Jesus is the church. Jesus is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND CHANGE. Jesus came to this world to change it so that we may all live a life of abundance and know our identity in God as God's beloved children.

Love. That really is the only way.

We continue to love and the church and all of us will get through this, all while knowing we are enough, we are worthy and we are beloved.

-Pastor Ali

Where Does the time Go?

I can remember as a child sitting in my room often wondering "when will I ever grow up?" I was likely in trouble when these thoughts were going through my mind and wanted more than anything to grow up, get out of my parents’ house and get to do WHATEVER I wanted. 

It is amazing how time works.

As a child it seems as though you will never grow up. You long for the days that you have freedom. To be 16, 18. To go off to college. 

Then you get to college and you simply want time to slow down. You want to soak up every moment of the life you are living, you want to be young and carefree in this time of your life yet it goes by so fast that you wonder "where did the time go?"

Then you get out of school and life really begins. The life you were longing for as a child is here and at times it is everything you ever dreamed of and then at times you just want to go back to being a child, where people took care of you and you did not have to worry about bills, taking care of your own kids or worrying about what is going to happen to the people you love. 

Time. It goes so fast when we don't want it to and slows down when we long for it to just speed up.

Yesterday, marked 5 years since the death of my Father. 

In many ways it seems like I haven't seen or talked to my dad in 10 years and in others it seems as though we were all just sitting around my parents kitchen table laughing and living our best life. 

5 years. I would give anything to go back to the month before my dad passed and to just have a little bit longer. To realize that this was happening and to spend as much time as possible with my dad. To say all the things, I long to say to him. But that isn't how time works or life. 

I sit and think now a lot about the times with my dad. About how I was so very loved by him and so many of my friends wished they had him as a dad. 

He was the most of most cool dads and still to this day his legacy lives on through all of us.

I see him in my nephew Ben, the way Ben laughs and is kind of sneaky when he is being silly. I see him Henry, in Henry's worry for the world and his family. I see him in Tannie, in Tannie's willingness to do just about anything. 

Even when people leave this world, they still live in each of us. It is as though a piece of them has been passed down to all the generations to continue living so that their best life can still go on.

5 years. 

In 5 years, our lives have changed drastically. I became a Pastor- WHAT?!?! Paige had Ben. I had Tannie. Henry is in school. Evan got married. Mom moved. We all changed our jobs. 

While all that has changed and we are all incredibly blessed and at peace with the loss of our dad, time still doesn't take away the pain. There is a saying "time heals all wounds" and while time does heal, it doesn't take away the wounds. 

Our wounds are a part of us, they help to make up the story of who we are and without them or when we "forget" about them, we are denying who we are. 

We are broken, we are messy, we live chaotic lives, but we are God's children; enough, beloved and worthy of this life we are living.

Time may not heal all wounds and we may always long to go back to different times in our lives but know that living in the present, welcoming the pain of what you have been through and believing that God is with you through it all will allow you to embrace the days ahead without fear. 

My dad, the rock of our family, will always live on in each of us and that is because he shaped who we are, taught us how to love and never gave up on us. Even in the afterlife, as he is sitting at the table with God, he with us-guiding each of us and loving us through all our sorrow and joy because it is through him that we learned to love this life we have been given. 

Embrace today, live today with courage and love knowing your worth, knowing you are enough and knowing you are beloved.

-Pastor Ali 

Dad and baby Henry

Stuck

Today I feel stuck. Do you ever feel that way? I haven't had writers block since I started preaching every Sunday. When asked "What is your sermon writing like", I always reply that it is one of my favorite things to do and it always just flows out of me and wherever I am, no matter what I am doing, I will sit down and write it out. 

Not this week. This week I am stuck.

I am stuck on what to preach about, I am stuck on what to talk about, I am stuck on how to tie it all together. So I sit here, at my desk, writing this blog post- STUCK. 

All around my office, I have words of inspiration. In the car, I listened to music that would surely give me a direction, I have laid awake the past nights thinking about it. 

And...you guessed it, I am stuck!

Why do we get stuck in our lives? Why do we all of a sudden see no direction? When things are going just right, when everything we do just flows naturally and we know the next steps- why do we then have absolutely no idea what we are doing and get completely stuck?

I wonder if that is the Holy Spirit telling us to look a different direction. That maybe the way we have always done things, the lens to which we have always looked through needs to change. Things need to be adjusted so that we can see clearly what path we are on, what direction to go down. 

It is amazing how God works in our lives like that. How one minute we are trucking along, doing everything the same way, living our lives, doing the work that we do then...BAM out of nowhere here comes God to turn things upside down, to point you in a different direction, to force you to look outside of YOURSELF and to look through a different lens. Perhaps it is a lens that leads to a new outlook on the world, perhaps it will be a lens that helps to define what your life is really about and what your purpose is or perhaps it is simply a lens that just need a little bit of adjusting, a little fine tuning to get you back to where you are supposed to be. 

Whatever it is that is going on with me, whatever "rut" I am stuck in, I just hope I can open my eyes to what God is saying to me, to open my heart and mind to the word of the Gospel and to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me to what needs to be said this week. 

If not, I hope everyone that attends church enjoys watching live streams of other Pastors because maybe they will know what to say this weekend :-)

Enjoy your weekend, apparently this bitter cold is going to turn warm! And always know that even when you are stuck, even when you feel as though you can't move forward, God is right with you telling you that you are enough, you are worthy and you are beloved.

Blessings,

Pastor Ali 

                                           

There is ENOUGH...yet, enough what?

This morning started out in the wee hours, with the snow glistening off the ground and the sun just peeking up from a long nights rest. I had a full cup of coffee in my hand, bundled up and headed out for the day. The radio was on, there were no screaming children and as I pulled up to my destination I thought "OMG, THEY WERE SERIOUS, THERE IS ALREADY A FREAKING LINE FOR PRESCHOOL ENROLLMENT AND THE DOORS DON'T OPEN FOR ANOTHER 15 MINUTES!!!"

You likely imagined me in the mountains or driving somewhere serene and beautiful. It was quite picturesque until the moment I pulled up.

There were people camping out, literally with chairs that had been out there since the wee hours. I honor them honestly, what bravery to brave the cold for preschool enrollment. I know that sounds sarcastic and maybe it is a bit but seriously they were brave souls.

I had always been told about this trend yet I hadn't experienced it yet. I had been lucky to work for the church the preschool is in and the perk as a staff member was you got to skip the enrollment chaos and turn in your form first.

Well, I had fallen for the fear of not enough room. I fell for it and showed up and was #30 in line.

I was out of there within 25 minutes of the enrollment actually starting and I am quite sure my daughter got the class I need her to be in.

Here is the thing- why do we live in a society where we truly believe there isn't enough room? Sure, this particular school will fill up and yes, you may not get the exact teacher you want but the chances of the first round of enrollers not getting in is slim AND we all showed up early, we all got out in the 6 degree weather to make sure there was enough space for us. And just like many other parents, I plan my work day around this preschool schedule so YES I also HAD to get there early and make sure my care was secured.

We never have enough in life- enough money, enough clothes, enough of this or that. I live in an affluent area where sending your kid to school with a hole in his pants is likely frowned upon but my kid really likes those pants and I don't like to fight in the morning more than I have to.

We live in area with the best cars, gyms, restaurants, shops, etc... And I love where we live, it is a wonderful place to raise children but how do we raise them to know WITHOUT A DOUBT that there is ENOUGH ROOM for them.

That they matter, that they are valued and that they are loved and there is enough for them to be as big as they need/want to be in this world.

The church is a place where I have always felt this. At least in the churches I have grown up in. The United Methodist Church is filled with grace, love and hospitality for all of God's people. All are welcome, all are loved and are all are valued. You don't have to look a certain way to come in, you don't have to make a certain amount of money, you don't have to be a certain color, you don't have to be anything but you.

I believe that we often find Christ in the messiness of our lives because our lives are messy. They are filled the "not enoughs", they are filled with despair, they are filled with joy and happiness too and in the messiness of ALL of this we often find God or the need for something more- and that is the time to walk through doors of the church and fill the love of those that surround you in that place and know you ARE enough.

We are all a part of this church whether we know it or not. We are all a part of the Body of Christ and the Body of Christ only functions if all parts are working and working together.

Our country is in dysfunction right now, our own denomination is as well YET our job right now is to show the world that there is enough of the church to go around, that you don't have to prove anything to belong, that you don't have to act a certain way; you simply have to come as you are and know that when you leave for the day that  YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE VALUED, YOU ARE WORTHY AND YOU ARE ENOUGH!

God bless all of you and good luck with your preschool enrollments!

-Pastor Ali

What about her?

Her name was Queen Vashti.

She is in the Bible.

She was a queen.

She was respected.

She was banished.

Do you remember her? Queen Vashti was married to King Ahasuerus before Esther became queen. Most readers know of Esther because she was the one to stop the total destruction of the Jews by going to her husband and telling him that she was Jewish and that Haman (his right hand man) was going to have all the Jews killed. The King stopped the annihilation and Esther has always been spoken of as brave and courageous.

But what about Queen Vashti?

Queen Vashti was beautiful, she was loved. Her husband, the King, decided to drink some wine with some friends and asked the Queen to come out in her royal crown in order to show the people and the officials her beauty.

She said no.

She did not want to be paraded around, perhaps touched or fondled by the drunken men. She said no because she didn't want her life to be about her beauty and she did not want to be taken advantage of.

And she was banned.

She was banned and her title of Queen was taken from her.

Women have been blamed and lost their titles for years- all the way back to the beginning of time. If a woman doesn't want to be paraded about, if she doesn't give in to her employers demands if she tells that there is sexual harassment going on, she is punished. She is blamed and she is held accountable for the actions of her perpetrator.

So what about her? What about the she that speaks out? Or the one that stay hidden? Or the woman that bears it all of her life and finally says something, finally has the strength to confront her abuser/perpetrator/the one that assaulted her. What about her?

What happens to her? I would like to assume that our world has advanced from the days of Queen Vashti. That our world has learned to listen to women, that our world has learned to hold perpetrators accountable but that is not the case. In our own city, right here in Kansas City, a Judge, Judge Hughes, sat on the bench ruling over city domestic violence cases and always- ALWAYS- was very lenient on the abuser. I could never quite understand it....until the day he too was arrested for domestic violence.

How does that happen?

How do we allow people to be in power and to make decisions that impact our lives and our country that are abusive or sexually assault women?

I want to be clear, that as a Pastor I believe in the power of grace. I believe that we have the ability to forgive those that have trespassed us. I say that prayer every week and I believe it. Yet, I also very strongly believe that as a society and a culture people, ALL people, have to be held accountable for their actions.

So what about her?

What do we do about the woman that speaks out and is told that she isn't believable because she was talking like a child? Or because she couldn't remember exactly when it happened? Or because she didn't know where she was or because she said she had been drinking?

We believe them.

We fight for justice for those that can't fight for themselves.

We follow our living God and Jesus Christ and fight for the oppressed.

Isn't that what the Gospel is about? When God created this world, God created it for people to take care of it. God created it for us to love one another and to do God's will. Jesus preached this everywhere he went. He knocked tables over in the temple, he challenged the Pharisees and Scribes, he held hands with the leper, he touched the bleeding woman, he stopped the woman from being stoned. Jesus fought for the rights of others; for ALL of us to be heard and for those that need to be held accountable to be so.

I haven't used the name or the situation that is triggering this post yet we all know why I am writing this. Yet, this is nothing new for me to say. Nothing new for me to write and my views on violence against women will always remain the same. To simply believe. To understand that women have the right to say no, that trauma survivors will often forget things and details due to the trauma of what happened and that women often risk everything when they say enough is enough and stand up to the one that is hurting or has hurt them.

Queen Vashti said no. She refused to be treated in that way and it cost her everything.

I pray today that all women know their strength, know their power and that we all come together as people, simply people, trying to do what is right in this world.

Our one commandment- to love God with all our heart mind and soul and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

I blare this song daily on my way to work, I blame my sister for that. But know you are brave, that you are held and you are loved.

-Pastor Ali

Just go smell the peanut butter

For years my Nani and Nana would tell me that once you can't smell peanut butter it is a sign of "losing your mind". I would often watch them smell the peanut butter and give each other a high five because they could smell it. I once asked my Nani if she would ever tell anyone that she couldn't and she replied "I'm not stupid"

Yesterday, I attended a district meeting and asked for prayer for my Nana. After, I was approached by a few people to see what is going on and told that he left a legacy in the Kansas East Conference.

I had to call my grandparents and tell them this. I was so honored for the kind words but as soon as my Nani answered I could tell in her voice that something was off. She had to go to another room to talk and told me that Nana doesn't know who she is and that this is the first time this has happened. She said that he kept telling her that she isn't his wife because his wife, Pinky, has red hair and her hair is red.

Where does our mind go? I often wondered that as I watched my dad's mother wither away due to alzheimer where she went. Was she stuck in there? Watching her life, knowing who she is and but can't articulate it?

OR

Perhaps, was she simply stuck in the middle, in the between of eternity trying to find a way to let go of her human life so that she could go be with God.

I like to believe that is where their mind is. That they have reverted to a childlike persona only to be connected to God in a way that we all don't remember.

Jesus called the children, the prophets said that a little child will lead them.

Maybe just maybe when our minds go we are able to go to a deeper place of spirituality. Maybe we are able to truly understand what God and Jesus meant when they tell us that a little child will lead us. While children make sense and the innocence of children, people that suffer from alzheimers or some form of dimensia also become childlike.

I do not know what the future is going to bring for our family. I know that my grandfather likely doesn't have long- months, weeks, whatever it may be.

Yet I also know that he is already with God in many ways.

His faith is something I strive for and I know that he has experienced a level of spirituality that many of us work our whole lives working toward.

My grandfather, my Nana, will someday leave a legacy in the United Methodist Church. He will leave paths for many to walk down and words for us to remember- he has helped to shape me into the Pastor I am and I continue to learn from him in our talks and from his writing.

I know that he struggles with what is happening. I know he feels useless but I also know that God is with him, God is holding him and God is using him as a vessel to guide others that are in ministry to find their true wholeness with God.

I can smell the peanut butter and maybe it isn't real, maybe it is, but I can guarantee you that I will always make sure I can smell the peanut butter and never ever will tell anyone if I can't.

God's many blessings to you all

Remember that you are loved, you are enough and you are worthy

-Pastor Ali

Some birthdays are just different than others

I turned 33 last week. I was really looking forward to my birthday. It has been such a year of change and transition for myself and our family that it felt good to celebrate all that we have done and accomplished in one year.

Henry turned 5
Tannie turned 2
I transitioned from a part time Associate Pastor to a full time Senior Pastor
Henry started kindergarten
Tannie started kids day out
And Paul...well he was a long for the ride and I am sure he had great accomplishments in there :-)

It has just been a year. Most years, I choose to celebrate with friends for my birthday. No kids, typically adult activities and just let loose to celebrate another year. But this year, I wanted to celebrate with our family so we decided to go to Main Event and bowl, play arcade games and eat food that is just not good for you.

So off we went. My family, my mom, my sister and her family, my sister in law and my cousin.

The evening started off great. The adults and "big" kids (Ben and Henry) were bowling while Tannie ate her dinner and played on my phone.

Then dinner was over and Tannie lost interest in her phone and it happened.

It happened faster than we could blink....

Tannie looked at myself, looked at Paul and began running.

First she ran around the booth and where the bowling balls are and then she took her chance and off she went...

Down the lane

And we took off after her

Paul and I both running down after her and of course we both fall because it's a BOWLING ALLEY and all I could think is my daughter is going to make it to the end, knock down all the pins and get crushed by the big giant thing that will come down and take her off wherever it takes the pins...

And then she fell and all I could hear was Paul yelling "grab her leg"

Somewhere between the running, the falling and laughing/almost crying we got her. She only made it halfway and at that point we decided bowling as not the best idea.

I calmed down, Tannie quit crying and began laughing.

I laughed about it a lot the next day. Honestly, it was hilarious.

She's two, what did we expect her to do? She saw her chance and took it. Just like anyone would, when we have our chance to do something great why wouldn't we just go for it?

My birthday was perfect. While it was chaotic and filled with kids everywhere, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Oh and Paul did surprise me with a family pizza party the day before my birthday and a new watch so he wins points for that.

Cheers to the years when we lean into the season in our life we are in and we embrace the love of our family and God in all of our hearts.

God bless you all and may your birthdays be filled with joy, laughter and maybe something just a little different this year.

-Pastor Ali