Leaving a Legacy

Lent is upon us. It is a time of year to reflect on our lives and to look with God toward the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

As Jesus is approaching the 40 days before his death, he is ministering to those in his midst, he is showing his true divinity to his disciples and he is preparing to leave a legacy of hope, grace and resurrection for all of God's people.

What is our legacy? What will you leave in this world for your children? Do you think about that often?

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to put into words how I feel about the decision made at the United Methodist General Conference and what legacy this will leave for our children and future generations.

The church is at a stand still. When I am asked what do we do or what is next, I simply say "I don't know". And that is the truth, I don't know but here is what I do know

The UMC was founded on grace, love, mercy and acceptance of all people. John Wesley fought for the rights of those that didn't have a voice and wanted the church to be a place where all people felt welcomed and a church with open minds, open hearts and open doors.

The clergy are not the only ones tasked with the legacy of the church. All of us, every single member, child and clergy have to work together to be the church that God wants us to be. To leave a legacy for our children that they are proud of and not one of hate, exclusion and punishment.

My children love our church. They feel welcomed there, they are loved there and they run around that place knowing it is theirs and that the people inside of it will help to raise them to be followers of Christ with open hearts, open minds and open doors.

I want that to be the legacy we leave. The legacy of love. Love can be hard when we don't understand the other side. Love can be hard when we have been hurt by the other person but love is possible when we have the love of Christ in our hearts allowing us to see the true humanity in all of God's people.

I choose to leave a legacy of love, inclusion and hope for my kids. My hope and prayer this lenten season is that the church and all people in the church are able to look within themselves, to have true self-reflection and to surrender all their fears to God.

When we give it God, when we allow God to hold us and guide us there really is nothing we can't do and I strongly believe that. Trust that God is a loving God, a God of inclusion and a God of resurrection so that we can go out and be that to the world.

Do all this knowing you are enough, you are worthy and you are beloved.

-Pastor Ali

It is All About Balance

1 Corinthians 3: 16

"Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in your midst?"

Our family recently started going to the gym. If you know us, you know that this is new and not the "norm" or has ever been the norm. Now, before Paul met me, he did exercise and was really fit from the police academy.. then we got married and we each settled into our new life as a married couple and exercise and keeping ourselves "fit" just didn't fit in there.

Then came these kids of ours. It turns out that a baby really changes your body, oh and turning 30. 

In last three years, it has become apparent that if I want to maintain the way I looked when I was younger, I was going to have to do something about it.

Really it just started to make more sense to me as I started to reflect on my own life, my own well being and what kind of example I want to set for my kids. I want them to see me fit, I want them to see exercise as something fun and I want us to be healthy for each other so we can live a long life of abundance as God wants us all too. 

We joined the gym in November and honestly haven't missed a work out since then. Once we started, we got hooked. Not only is it a great work out...BUT there is CHILDCARE. Like there is a place where you can drop off your kids and say "have fun" and they love it and they get worn out and you get to be ALONE and exercise. I don't know why this mom secret has been kept from me for so long. Or maybe I was told it but chose not to listen.

I am aware that changing your way of life, leaning into your messiness and brokenness is about balance and a want within yourself. 2 years ago, you couldn't have gotten me into the gym but something inside of me changed. I started to see myself as this temple that God gave me, a body that God gave me to take care of so that I can live my life of abundance and belovedness to the fullest. 

This past month, there has been a competition of sort at the gym called "melt". While I do not really care about the competition it created a space for myself and two good friends to work out together and to explore some of the different group classes. I have shied away from the classes out of fear of what others may think... here is the truth. No one care.

Absolutely no one cares

No one is watching you and if they are it is because you are doing so amazing that they want to copy you, so no one is watching me

And no one cares

The group classes have pushed me further than I knew possible and have really opened my eyes to the different muscle groups that I didn't even know needed to be stretched.

One of my favorite classes is called centergy. It is a combination of yoga and pilates and really helps to stretch out all of the work you have done in other classes. Now, I will say that it isn't just stretching. Oh no. There is this whole 5 minute plank series and you do not just plank. Oh no, you plant on your elbows, move your legs side to side, move up to your hands and do this about 1,000 times. It pushes you. The first few classes I couldn't do it and I didn't push myself because I wanted to ease into what my body could do.

Tonight. Tonight I did it. I did the whole class without any trouble. I finally found the rhythm and then the last 15 minutes is spent on restoration followed by 5 minutes of Savasana. You simply lie on your back and breathe, eyes closed, letting go of all the negativity and breathing in the beauty of the world and what you just accomplished.

I left tonight feeling full. Feel connected to God and feeling connected to my body and how it needs to be taken care of. 

And then I picked up the kids. I took a deep breath and we got in the car. The screaming started pretty quick and I started to think about dinner... my zen started to go. One kid only likes candy and cookies, the other sits and eats but it takes forever and you have to count bites while they complain. 

It is all about balance. The balance of finding your zen and how to maintain it. 

I maintained that zen, sure did. The kids are currently eating McDonalds and I am zenfully writing this blog without a care in the world.

God wants us all to take care of ourselves so that we can go out into the world and care for others and sometimes that means giving in to what you can not control and maintaining your zen by going through the drive-thru.

No matter where you are in your life, how active you are or aren't always know you are enough, you are valued and you are beloved.

-Pastor Ali 

Unconditional Love and Change

Over the past few weeks, I have been doing a sermon series on Love. While most likely thought this series was created for Valentine's Day, they are all learning that I had a different idea in mind.

Love. What does love mean to all of us? What does love mean to people that haven't experienced love? Does love look more like violence? Does love scare people? Does love prohibit us from fully experiencing our lives out of fear of what may happen?

The United Methodist Church will face a vote at a special General Conference that starts Feb. 23rd. Bishops, delegates (the people that get to vote), clergy and lay people will gather in St. Louis, MO from all over the world to vote on the issue of human sexuality and the church. This vote has been up for discussion since the 1980's when the world of psychiatric deemed homosexuality was not a mental health disorder. Since then, the church has gone back and forth on the issue. Should they allow gay clergy? Should people of the same-sex get to marry in the church?

I spoke last Sunday on how we become the church in a world that tries to shut the church out. In a world that views the church as negative and in a world that puts people in different boxes based on their race, socio-economic status, gender and who they love.

How do we be the church? The one the first Apostles built? The one that is about change, the love of God and the Good News that Christ brought?

Love

Love

Love

I recently spoke to someone about the one-church plan that is going before the conference. This is the plan that the majority of the Bishops in the church are supporting. It is the plan that allows each local church to decide. It sounds simple enough- you decide what your church is going to do. Yet this plan still brings up questions for a lot of people. How does that work? What church am I suppose to go if I believe ___? Will churches leave? Will people leave our church?

Love

I just keep saying that word over and over again in my head. The church is at a crossroads and what the church does next will define the church for generations to come. Generations that will likely look at us and wonder why this mattered. I look back on giving the women the right to preach and wonder why it took so long- in awe that it took the church over 1950 years to finally make that possible when some of the most powerful people in scripture are...WOMEN! (getting side-tracked...)

So what do we do as a church? How do we keep going?

We love our way through it.

We love God, we love the church, we love our neighbors and we love all of God's people just as God tells us to through God's son, Jesus Christ.

Jesus came to this world to save us from ourselves, to show us what true love is and how to live that out in our everyday lives.

Jesus suffered and was killed at the hands of his own people yet even knowing this would happen he did the work of God. He healed the leper, he prayed with and taught women, he opposed the doings of the scribes and pharisees, he turned over the tables in the temple.

People fought against everything Jesus did and had to say but he stayed strong and went with one message.

Love.

Jesus is the church. Jesus is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND CHANGE. Jesus came to this world to change it so that we may all live a life of abundance and know our identity in God as God's beloved children.

Love. That really is the only way.

We continue to love and the church and all of us will get through this, all while knowing we are enough, we are worthy and we are beloved.

-Pastor Ali

Where Does the time Go?

I can remember as a child sitting in my room often wondering "when will I ever grow up?" I was likely in trouble when these thoughts were going through my mind and wanted more than anything to grow up, get out of my parents’ house and get to do WHATEVER I wanted. 

It is amazing how time works.

As a child it seems as though you will never grow up. You long for the days that you have freedom. To be 16, 18. To go off to college. 

Then you get to college and you simply want time to slow down. You want to soak up every moment of the life you are living, you want to be young and carefree in this time of your life yet it goes by so fast that you wonder "where did the time go?"

Then you get out of school and life really begins. The life you were longing for as a child is here and at times it is everything you ever dreamed of and then at times you just want to go back to being a child, where people took care of you and you did not have to worry about bills, taking care of your own kids or worrying about what is going to happen to the people you love. 

Time. It goes so fast when we don't want it to and slows down when we long for it to just speed up.

Yesterday, marked 5 years since the death of my Father. 

In many ways it seems like I haven't seen or talked to my dad in 10 years and in others it seems as though we were all just sitting around my parents kitchen table laughing and living our best life. 

5 years. I would give anything to go back to the month before my dad passed and to just have a little bit longer. To realize that this was happening and to spend as much time as possible with my dad. To say all the things, I long to say to him. But that isn't how time works or life. 

I sit and think now a lot about the times with my dad. About how I was so very loved by him and so many of my friends wished they had him as a dad. 

He was the most of most cool dads and still to this day his legacy lives on through all of us.

I see him in my nephew Ben, the way Ben laughs and is kind of sneaky when he is being silly. I see him Henry, in Henry's worry for the world and his family. I see him in Tannie, in Tannie's willingness to do just about anything. 

Even when people leave this world, they still live in each of us. It is as though a piece of them has been passed down to all the generations to continue living so that their best life can still go on.

5 years. 

In 5 years, our lives have changed drastically. I became a Pastor- WHAT?!?! Paige had Ben. I had Tannie. Henry is in school. Evan got married. Mom moved. We all changed our jobs. 

While all that has changed and we are all incredibly blessed and at peace with the loss of our dad, time still doesn't take away the pain. There is a saying "time heals all wounds" and while time does heal, it doesn't take away the wounds. 

Our wounds are a part of us, they help to make up the story of who we are and without them or when we "forget" about them, we are denying who we are. 

We are broken, we are messy, we live chaotic lives, but we are God's children; enough, beloved and worthy of this life we are living.

Time may not heal all wounds and we may always long to go back to different times in our lives but know that living in the present, welcoming the pain of what you have been through and believing that God is with you through it all will allow you to embrace the days ahead without fear. 

My dad, the rock of our family, will always live on in each of us and that is because he shaped who we are, taught us how to love and never gave up on us. Even in the afterlife, as he is sitting at the table with God, he with us-guiding each of us and loving us through all our sorrow and joy because it is through him that we learned to love this life we have been given. 

Embrace today, live today with courage and love knowing your worth, knowing you are enough and knowing you are beloved.

-Pastor Ali 

Dad and baby Henry

Stuck

Today I feel stuck. Do you ever feel that way? I haven't had writers block since I started preaching every Sunday. When asked "What is your sermon writing like", I always reply that it is one of my favorite things to do and it always just flows out of me and wherever I am, no matter what I am doing, I will sit down and write it out. 

Not this week. This week I am stuck.

I am stuck on what to preach about, I am stuck on what to talk about, I am stuck on how to tie it all together. So I sit here, at my desk, writing this blog post- STUCK. 

All around my office, I have words of inspiration. In the car, I listened to music that would surely give me a direction, I have laid awake the past nights thinking about it. 

And...you guessed it, I am stuck!

Why do we get stuck in our lives? Why do we all of a sudden see no direction? When things are going just right, when everything we do just flows naturally and we know the next steps- why do we then have absolutely no idea what we are doing and get completely stuck?

I wonder if that is the Holy Spirit telling us to look a different direction. That maybe the way we have always done things, the lens to which we have always looked through needs to change. Things need to be adjusted so that we can see clearly what path we are on, what direction to go down. 

It is amazing how God works in our lives like that. How one minute we are trucking along, doing everything the same way, living our lives, doing the work that we do then...BAM out of nowhere here comes God to turn things upside down, to point you in a different direction, to force you to look outside of YOURSELF and to look through a different lens. Perhaps it is a lens that leads to a new outlook on the world, perhaps it will be a lens that helps to define what your life is really about and what your purpose is or perhaps it is simply a lens that just need a little bit of adjusting, a little fine tuning to get you back to where you are supposed to be. 

Whatever it is that is going on with me, whatever "rut" I am stuck in, I just hope I can open my eyes to what God is saying to me, to open my heart and mind to the word of the Gospel and to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me to what needs to be said this week. 

If not, I hope everyone that attends church enjoys watching live streams of other Pastors because maybe they will know what to say this weekend :-)

Enjoy your weekend, apparently this bitter cold is going to turn warm! And always know that even when you are stuck, even when you feel as though you can't move forward, God is right with you telling you that you are enough, you are worthy and you are beloved.

Blessings,

Pastor Ali 

                                           

There is ENOUGH...yet, enough what?

This morning started out in the wee hours, with the snow glistening off the ground and the sun just peeking up from a long nights rest. I had a full cup of coffee in my hand, bundled up and headed out for the day. The radio was on, there were no screaming children and as I pulled up to my destination I thought "OMG, THEY WERE SERIOUS, THERE IS ALREADY A FREAKING LINE FOR PRESCHOOL ENROLLMENT AND THE DOORS DON'T OPEN FOR ANOTHER 15 MINUTES!!!"

You likely imagined me in the mountains or driving somewhere serene and beautiful. It was quite picturesque until the moment I pulled up.

There were people camping out, literally with chairs that had been out there since the wee hours. I honor them honestly, what bravery to brave the cold for preschool enrollment. I know that sounds sarcastic and maybe it is a bit but seriously they were brave souls.

I had always been told about this trend yet I hadn't experienced it yet. I had been lucky to work for the church the preschool is in and the perk as a staff member was you got to skip the enrollment chaos and turn in your form first.

Well, I had fallen for the fear of not enough room. I fell for it and showed up and was #30 in line.

I was out of there within 25 minutes of the enrollment actually starting and I am quite sure my daughter got the class I need her to be in.

Here is the thing- why do we live in a society where we truly believe there isn't enough room? Sure, this particular school will fill up and yes, you may not get the exact teacher you want but the chances of the first round of enrollers not getting in is slim AND we all showed up early, we all got out in the 6 degree weather to make sure there was enough space for us. And just like many other parents, I plan my work day around this preschool schedule so YES I also HAD to get there early and make sure my care was secured.

We never have enough in life- enough money, enough clothes, enough of this or that. I live in an affluent area where sending your kid to school with a hole in his pants is likely frowned upon but my kid really likes those pants and I don't like to fight in the morning more than I have to.

We live in area with the best cars, gyms, restaurants, shops, etc... And I love where we live, it is a wonderful place to raise children but how do we raise them to know WITHOUT A DOUBT that there is ENOUGH ROOM for them.

That they matter, that they are valued and that they are loved and there is enough for them to be as big as they need/want to be in this world.

The church is a place where I have always felt this. At least in the churches I have grown up in. The United Methodist Church is filled with grace, love and hospitality for all of God's people. All are welcome, all are loved and are all are valued. You don't have to look a certain way to come in, you don't have to make a certain amount of money, you don't have to be a certain color, you don't have to be anything but you.

I believe that we often find Christ in the messiness of our lives because our lives are messy. They are filled the "not enoughs", they are filled with despair, they are filled with joy and happiness too and in the messiness of ALL of this we often find God or the need for something more- and that is the time to walk through doors of the church and fill the love of those that surround you in that place and know you ARE enough.

We are all a part of this church whether we know it or not. We are all a part of the Body of Christ and the Body of Christ only functions if all parts are working and working together.

Our country is in dysfunction right now, our own denomination is as well YET our job right now is to show the world that there is enough of the church to go around, that you don't have to prove anything to belong, that you don't have to act a certain way; you simply have to come as you are and know that when you leave for the day that  YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE VALUED, YOU ARE WORTHY AND YOU ARE ENOUGH!

God bless all of you and good luck with your preschool enrollments!

-Pastor Ali

What about her?

Her name was Queen Vashti.

She is in the Bible.

She was a queen.

She was respected.

She was banished.

Do you remember her? Queen Vashti was married to King Ahasuerus before Esther became queen. Most readers know of Esther because she was the one to stop the total destruction of the Jews by going to her husband and telling him that she was Jewish and that Haman (his right hand man) was going to have all the Jews killed. The King stopped the annihilation and Esther has always been spoken of as brave and courageous.

But what about Queen Vashti?

Queen Vashti was beautiful, she was loved. Her husband, the King, decided to drink some wine with some friends and asked the Queen to come out in her royal crown in order to show the people and the officials her beauty.

She said no.

She did not want to be paraded around, perhaps touched or fondled by the drunken men. She said no because she didn't want her life to be about her beauty and she did not want to be taken advantage of.

And she was banned.

She was banned and her title of Queen was taken from her.

Women have been blamed and lost their titles for years- all the way back to the beginning of time. If a woman doesn't want to be paraded about, if she doesn't give in to her employers demands if she tells that there is sexual harassment going on, she is punished. She is blamed and she is held accountable for the actions of her perpetrator.

So what about her? What about the she that speaks out? Or the one that stay hidden? Or the woman that bears it all of her life and finally says something, finally has the strength to confront her abuser/perpetrator/the one that assaulted her. What about her?

What happens to her? I would like to assume that our world has advanced from the days of Queen Vashti. That our world has learned to listen to women, that our world has learned to hold perpetrators accountable but that is not the case. In our own city, right here in Kansas City, a Judge, Judge Hughes, sat on the bench ruling over city domestic violence cases and always- ALWAYS- was very lenient on the abuser. I could never quite understand it....until the day he too was arrested for domestic violence.

How does that happen?

How do we allow people to be in power and to make decisions that impact our lives and our country that are abusive or sexually assault women?

I want to be clear, that as a Pastor I believe in the power of grace. I believe that we have the ability to forgive those that have trespassed us. I say that prayer every week and I believe it. Yet, I also very strongly believe that as a society and a culture people, ALL people, have to be held accountable for their actions.

So what about her?

What do we do about the woman that speaks out and is told that she isn't believable because she was talking like a child? Or because she couldn't remember exactly when it happened? Or because she didn't know where she was or because she said she had been drinking?

We believe them.

We fight for justice for those that can't fight for themselves.

We follow our living God and Jesus Christ and fight for the oppressed.

Isn't that what the Gospel is about? When God created this world, God created it for people to take care of it. God created it for us to love one another and to do God's will. Jesus preached this everywhere he went. He knocked tables over in the temple, he challenged the Pharisees and Scribes, he held hands with the leper, he touched the bleeding woman, he stopped the woman from being stoned. Jesus fought for the rights of others; for ALL of us to be heard and for those that need to be held accountable to be so.

I haven't used the name or the situation that is triggering this post yet we all know why I am writing this. Yet, this is nothing new for me to say. Nothing new for me to write and my views on violence against women will always remain the same. To simply believe. To understand that women have the right to say no, that trauma survivors will often forget things and details due to the trauma of what happened and that women often risk everything when they say enough is enough and stand up to the one that is hurting or has hurt them.

Queen Vashti said no. She refused to be treated in that way and it cost her everything.

I pray today that all women know their strength, know their power and that we all come together as people, simply people, trying to do what is right in this world.

Our one commandment- to love God with all our heart mind and soul and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

I blare this song daily on my way to work, I blame my sister for that. But know you are brave, that you are held and you are loved.

-Pastor Ali