Today was less than perfect. Henry ran around the church during the baptism making it impossible for me to focus on my sweet baby, family that said they were going to attend and come over for lunch after didn't, the pasta salad I made tasted like glue and had to be thrown out and the only way I could get my child to obey was to continue to threaten the removal of his new batman toy.
After lunch I broke down. I cried. What a disappointment of a day it had turned out to be. All of this planning only to feel let down, frustrated and worn out. Henry's baptism was beautiful. I was able to focus all of my attention on him, all of my family came and ate lunch in celebration with us and Henry was perfection. Dealing with the disappointment of possibly letting my baby down, feeling disappointed by others and not feeling the sacredness of the day is exhausting.
But then something happened. Tannie woke up from her nap. I went in to rock her and she smiled at me. She smiled and every time I kissed her cheek she smiled again. This little baby I was holding in my arms had no idea that today wasn't perfect. She had no idea that I felt overwhelmed, stressed and disappointed. All she knows is that she is loved and today I got to be present while our church family welcomed her, embraced her and let her know that she is a beloved child of God and will always have a safe place within in her church family.
As I sit down to write, I am reminded that perfection is not what a baptism is about. Baptism is about renewal. Renewing our faith in God so that we may show our children God's love through ours. Baptism is about letting go of perfection, embracing the messiness of life and knowing that even when things get hard and are spinning out of control God is present with us, walking with us, holding us and in my case likely laughing at my 3 year old.
I also am restored in my faith knowing that God never disappoints, that God embraces my imperfections and surrounds me with love. This is what I can teach my children. I can show them that through God life is manageable, even when it seems impossible. This is a hard way to live. I don't get it right most days but every once in awhile something happens to remind me of this and today it was my sweet daughter's smile.
Bless you dear baby girl. You are a beloved child of God and bring your family so much joy. May you always know how loved you are.
Even by your crazy big brother!
Family picture redo... Henry only had to be told Batman was mine 6 times bore the smile finally happened!
