What about her?

Her name was Queen Vashti.

She is in the Bible.

She was a queen.

She was respected.

She was banished.

Do you remember her? Queen Vashti was married to King Ahasuerus before Esther became queen. Most readers know of Esther because she was the one to stop the total destruction of the Jews by going to her husband and telling him that she was Jewish and that Haman (his right hand man) was going to have all the Jews killed. The King stopped the annihilation and Esther has always been spoken of as brave and courageous.

But what about Queen Vashti?

Queen Vashti was beautiful, she was loved. Her husband, the King, decided to drink some wine with some friends and asked the Queen to come out in her royal crown in order to show the people and the officials her beauty.

She said no.

She did not want to be paraded around, perhaps touched or fondled by the drunken men. She said no because she didn't want her life to be about her beauty and she did not want to be taken advantage of.

And she was banned.

She was banned and her title of Queen was taken from her.

Women have been blamed and lost their titles for years- all the way back to the beginning of time. If a woman doesn't want to be paraded about, if she doesn't give in to her employers demands if she tells that there is sexual harassment going on, she is punished. She is blamed and she is held accountable for the actions of her perpetrator.

So what about her? What about the she that speaks out? Or the one that stay hidden? Or the woman that bears it all of her life and finally says something, finally has the strength to confront her abuser/perpetrator/the one that assaulted her. What about her?

What happens to her? I would like to assume that our world has advanced from the days of Queen Vashti. That our world has learned to listen to women, that our world has learned to hold perpetrators accountable but that is not the case. In our own city, right here in Kansas City, a Judge, Judge Hughes, sat on the bench ruling over city domestic violence cases and always- ALWAYS- was very lenient on the abuser. I could never quite understand it....until the day he too was arrested for domestic violence.

How does that happen?

How do we allow people to be in power and to make decisions that impact our lives and our country that are abusive or sexually assault women?

I want to be clear, that as a Pastor I believe in the power of grace. I believe that we have the ability to forgive those that have trespassed us. I say that prayer every week and I believe it. Yet, I also very strongly believe that as a society and a culture people, ALL people, have to be held accountable for their actions.

So what about her?

What do we do about the woman that speaks out and is told that she isn't believable because she was talking like a child? Or because she couldn't remember exactly when it happened? Or because she didn't know where she was or because she said she had been drinking?

We believe them.

We fight for justice for those that can't fight for themselves.

We follow our living God and Jesus Christ and fight for the oppressed.

Isn't that what the Gospel is about? When God created this world, God created it for people to take care of it. God created it for us to love one another and to do God's will. Jesus preached this everywhere he went. He knocked tables over in the temple, he challenged the Pharisees and Scribes, he held hands with the leper, he touched the bleeding woman, he stopped the woman from being stoned. Jesus fought for the rights of others; for ALL of us to be heard and for those that need to be held accountable to be so.

I haven't used the name or the situation that is triggering this post yet we all know why I am writing this. Yet, this is nothing new for me to say. Nothing new for me to write and my views on violence against women will always remain the same. To simply believe. To understand that women have the right to say no, that trauma survivors will often forget things and details due to the trauma of what happened and that women often risk everything when they say enough is enough and stand up to the one that is hurting or has hurt them.

Queen Vashti said no. She refused to be treated in that way and it cost her everything.

I pray today that all women know their strength, know their power and that we all come together as people, simply people, trying to do what is right in this world.

Our one commandment- to love God with all our heart mind and soul and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

I blare this song daily on my way to work, I blame my sister for that. But know you are brave, that you are held and you are loved.

-Pastor Ali

Just go smell the peanut butter

For years my Nani and Nana would tell me that once you can't smell peanut butter it is a sign of "losing your mind". I would often watch them smell the peanut butter and give each other a high five because they could smell it. I once asked my Nani if she would ever tell anyone that she couldn't and she replied "I'm not stupid"

Yesterday, I attended a district meeting and asked for prayer for my Nana. After, I was approached by a few people to see what is going on and told that he left a legacy in the Kansas East Conference.

I had to call my grandparents and tell them this. I was so honored for the kind words but as soon as my Nani answered I could tell in her voice that something was off. She had to go to another room to talk and told me that Nana doesn't know who she is and that this is the first time this has happened. She said that he kept telling her that she isn't his wife because his wife, Pinky, has red hair and her hair is red.

Where does our mind go? I often wondered that as I watched my dad's mother wither away due to alzheimer where she went. Was she stuck in there? Watching her life, knowing who she is and but can't articulate it?

OR

Perhaps, was she simply stuck in the middle, in the between of eternity trying to find a way to let go of her human life so that she could go be with God.

I like to believe that is where their mind is. That they have reverted to a childlike persona only to be connected to God in a way that we all don't remember.

Jesus called the children, the prophets said that a little child will lead them.

Maybe just maybe when our minds go we are able to go to a deeper place of spirituality. Maybe we are able to truly understand what God and Jesus meant when they tell us that a little child will lead us. While children make sense and the innocence of children, people that suffer from alzheimers or some form of dimensia also become childlike.

I do not know what the future is going to bring for our family. I know that my grandfather likely doesn't have long- months, weeks, whatever it may be.

Yet I also know that he is already with God in many ways.

His faith is something I strive for and I know that he has experienced a level of spirituality that many of us work our whole lives working toward.

My grandfather, my Nana, will someday leave a legacy in the United Methodist Church. He will leave paths for many to walk down and words for us to remember- he has helped to shape me into the Pastor I am and I continue to learn from him in our talks and from his writing.

I know that he struggles with what is happening. I know he feels useless but I also know that God is with him, God is holding him and God is using him as a vessel to guide others that are in ministry to find their true wholeness with God.

I can smell the peanut butter and maybe it isn't real, maybe it is, but I can guarantee you that I will always make sure I can smell the peanut butter and never ever will tell anyone if I can't.

God's many blessings to you all

Remember that you are loved, you are enough and you are worthy

-Pastor Ali

Some birthdays are just different than others

I turned 33 last week. I was really looking forward to my birthday. It has been such a year of change and transition for myself and our family that it felt good to celebrate all that we have done and accomplished in one year.

Henry turned 5
Tannie turned 2
I transitioned from a part time Associate Pastor to a full time Senior Pastor
Henry started kindergarten
Tannie started kids day out
And Paul...well he was a long for the ride and I am sure he had great accomplishments in there :-)

It has just been a year. Most years, I choose to celebrate with friends for my birthday. No kids, typically adult activities and just let loose to celebrate another year. But this year, I wanted to celebrate with our family so we decided to go to Main Event and bowl, play arcade games and eat food that is just not good for you.

So off we went. My family, my mom, my sister and her family, my sister in law and my cousin.

The evening started off great. The adults and "big" kids (Ben and Henry) were bowling while Tannie ate her dinner and played on my phone.

Then dinner was over and Tannie lost interest in her phone and it happened.

It happened faster than we could blink....

Tannie looked at myself, looked at Paul and began running.

First she ran around the booth and where the bowling balls are and then she took her chance and off she went...

Down the lane

And we took off after her

Paul and I both running down after her and of course we both fall because it's a BOWLING ALLEY and all I could think is my daughter is going to make it to the end, knock down all the pins and get crushed by the big giant thing that will come down and take her off wherever it takes the pins...

And then she fell and all I could hear was Paul yelling "grab her leg"

Somewhere between the running, the falling and laughing/almost crying we got her. She only made it halfway and at that point we decided bowling as not the best idea.

I calmed down, Tannie quit crying and began laughing.

I laughed about it a lot the next day. Honestly, it was hilarious.

She's two, what did we expect her to do? She saw her chance and took it. Just like anyone would, when we have our chance to do something great why wouldn't we just go for it?

My birthday was perfect. While it was chaotic and filled with kids everywhere, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Oh and Paul did surprise me with a family pizza party the day before my birthday and a new watch so he wins points for that.

Cheers to the years when we lean into the season in our life we are in and we embrace the love of our family and God in all of our hearts.

God bless you all and may your birthdays be filled with joy, laughter and maybe something just a little different this year.

-Pastor Ali

It's EVERYWHERE

I wish I could tell you that this post is about the Holy Spirit and God being present everywhere in our lives, that it was about the abundance of joy I feel everyday when I wake up and know this to be true. And while all of this is true, this is not that kind of post.

If you prefer to not read about bodily functions then I would recommend stopping right now. This blog, this one is for all the mamas out there that deal with this every single day.

Pee.

I am talking about pee.

Since, Henry was born almost 6 years ago this has been a pretty consistent part of our lives. From being peed on, to potty training to teaching a boy how to properly use the bathroom while not being distracted by EVERYTHING in the room. I mean, it literally takes less than 30 seconds to pee, so why is it EVERYWHERE.

Honestly, I hadn't really noticed it until recently and it isn't because of Henry. It's Tannie.

Tannie has decided that she lives in a naked house, that it is better to be in the nude than to be in her clothes AND her diaper.

At first it started with her telling me when she needed a new diaper and now it has progressed. It has progressed to bringing me her diaper when she has peed and then at times bringing me a diaper and peeing on the floor.

Pee. It is literally everywhere. I have started to notice it more and more and succumb to the fact that it is a part of my life probably for quite awhile.

Potty training is in the very new future, then teaching how to actually use the bathroom properly and all the stuff that comes along with that.

My mom tells me it is karma. Apparently she used to pick me up from the church nursery and all of the other parents would be giggling...giggling at little Ali who was standing in the nude except for her little socks and patent leather shoes.

Truth is, I have created a mini me. I have created a fierce and fiesty girl that knows what she wants and loves her family more than anything.

I have created a son that is a typical little boy, a little boy that thinks peeing is funny and is very distracted within 5 seconds.

Our lives are consumed with these types of things as soon as we become parents and if we allow them to be all we focus on we can lose the reason why we had kids. The reason why we love them some deeply- they love us with their whole hearts and despite the pee and bodily functions they are always going to love us more than we can imagine.

Tonight. I came home and Paul laughed that Tannie was probably in her room naked. I went in a little nervous and found this.

My sweet little girl had set up a tea party for us. She poured the tea for me and said "I love you, mama, is it good?"

I was reminded tonight that despite it all, the love I have for my children is what fuels me, what gives me hope and reminds me that God is present in our lives and the Holy Spirit is always with us.

As I say all this, I am listening to her yell from her room... 50/50 chance that she is in her bed naked, what's your vote?

Always know you are loved, you are worthy of life and you are enough

-Pastor Ali

Though the Days Are Long

I have been in school for the past two weeks. The days have been incredibly long and exhausting. I started to envy the people in my classes that were staying in hotels and not having to go home to responsibilities all while having to do homework and get to bed at a decent time to be back in class by 730am. Oh and write a sermon in the midst of that.

Doesn't a week in a hotel BY YOURSELF sound amazing? 

Oh the silence

Oh the sleep without arms and legs flopping all over me; on a typical night at least one child ends up in our bed

Oh and getting JUST myself ready in the morning. No screaming to find your shoes, to get dressed or yelling at your two year old that cheetos are not an accetable breakfast, to finally give in and compromise on club crackers...

Then I got home today.

It had been a long two weeks.

I took a nap and woke up feeling refreshed.

Tannie woke up next and I could tell it was cloudy outside so we went out to see how it felt. I ended up sitting with her and giggling for a good 10 minutes. 

Then it started to sprinkle and I called Henry to come out and the three of us danced in the rain trying to catch rain on our tongues.

This is one of those moments in time you want to freeze.

It helps your to forget about the whining, the screaming, the fighting and all of the hard parts of being a parent. 

They say the days are long but the years are short- I have found this to be especially true these last few weeks. I have felt disengaged from my children and husband and focused on what I need to do for school and work. And while I feel as though I have grown spiritually and am able to take practical things back to the church, there is still a balance needed.

Today though reminded me that life isn't always this chaotic. That is slows down. That you are able to be present and to find moments that make it all feel okay.

Our lives are rushed from one thing to the next and it is important for us to slow down, breathe and remember that in order to live a life of abundance- the life that God wants for us- we have to find balance, find rest and find peace. 

Even if your kid is currently screaming at your to get off your computer and find him a snack :-)

God Bless you all

-Pastor Ali

But I don't want to go to school

My alarm went off early this morning. 6:15am. That may not seem early for some but for me that is an awful time, it is literally in the middle of the night in my opinion.

When my alarm went off, I turned it off, rolled over and kept sleeping. Paul shook me and told me to get up. I said, of course in the sweetest voice you can imagine, "I KNOW what time it is". So I got up and got ready. Then I went into the bathroom and told Paul "but I don't want to go to school" and we laughed.

I am in school this week for ministry. Turns out you have to learn things in order to be a Pastor. I have enjoyed it, I have learned a lot of tools and ways to improve my preaching and theology YET it has been a long week. I am exhausted, I am burnt out and I am ready to go home today.

I have also learned a lot about myself this week.

I have learned that my call to ministry is solidified- I have known that for awhile but it is always good to have that affirmed on a regular basis.

I have learned that I am a good student. Turns out that my grades in college do not reflect my ability and going to school again has allowed me to trust more in myself, to really believe that I am enough and to really believe that I am capable of doing this.

Henry has been in preschool two days a week and toward the end of the year he started saying "My cheek hurts, I can't go to school" or a good one was "mom, I have a booger I can't get out and need to stay home". He starts kindergarten this year and it will be interesting to see how many times his excuses come up.

Where does that come from? The need to make excuses to not do the things we have to do. Often when we get there we love it, we get a lot out of it and we strive to do our best.

School, education and growing in not just our knowledge but our faith is key to living a life of abundance.

As Christians we need to keep asking questions, to keep learning and to keep growing in our faith. If we choose to stay stagnant in what we know and believe we won't grow and that is hard to see happen to people or in your own life.

School is tedious, the work is hard but the time in class has proven to be valuable for me.

When I look at this in the context of the church, I encourage people to grow in their faith. To take a class you have always thought about but just keep putting off. We can make excuses and most of them are valid but I guarantee you, if you sign up for that Bible Study, if you join that Sunday School class it can transform your life to really understand what God is calling us to do- to go out into the world and make Disciples for Christ for the transformation of the world.

I am eager for Henry to start school. I know he is going to love it and I also know he will begin making every excuse to not go but he will be amazing, he will grow and he will become more of the person he is meant to be.

God bless you all, know you are enough, know you are worthy of the life you are living and know that you are loved,

Pastor Ali
   

                                   

Things you do not learn in Pastor school...

The weeks leading up to today have felt like a whirlwind. I have watched our Senior Pastor for the past few years run around like she has fire lit under her.

I always kind of thought- well maybe she just does too much. Maybe she doesn't take time for herself...all of these excuses because I won't run around like that.

Nanette- I apologize for ever thinking that. You are amazing and while you do need to slow down a bit at time, I think I am starting to get it and it's only week two.

For my new congregants reading this, this has absolutely nothing to do with you and all about me.

I am adjusting to working full time again- I had been rocking this 20 hour a week gig for awhile and phew here we go!

I am figuring out that a full time job takes my time and energy but I am also learning how much I LOVE this and can't wait to really get into this work.

Until today and in the next two weeks, I am not sure I will know much of what is going on and here is why

-Had to say goodbye to a beloved member of our family, our dog, McGehee
- First sermon and service on July 1st- while planning for the next Sunday because I was going out of town
-Immediately left for Chicago with my family later on the 1st
-Navigated an amazing city with an amazing city and celebrated our daughters 2nd birthday
-Came home last night
-Went into the office today and wrote my sermon
-Tomorrow we will clean the house, I will sermon prep more, I will take my son to a birthday party, I will then do more sermon prep and try to go to bed early
-Sunday (it really does come every week) service and preach. Mother in law comes that afternoon (yay!!) and we have Tannie's family bday dinner that night
-Monday-Friday I have class from 730am-530pm
-Ad Board meeting Tuesday night at 6pm
-Saturday birthday party
-Sunday (it really does come every week) preach and service
-Monday-Friday classes from 730am-1230pm

AND THEN.... Sunday comes again and I breathe (after church)

It is an interesting start to this appointment and I find myself wanting to be in 5 places at once.

I am dedicated to Indian Heights.

I want to get to know the people, I want to be in the office, I want to get to know my co-workers but life is calling me in all different directions.

I am not sure when I took this appointment if I realized how crazy the first few weeks would be but I can promise you all this- I am still here. I am present. I am aware and I am your Pastor.

The biggest thing I can say that they do not teach you in Pastor school is how much there is to learn at a new appointment and how you will want to learn everything right away so you can be the best Pastor you can be...BUT you have to take it one day at a time.

One class at a time

One sermon at a time

One Ad Board meeting at a time

All while trying to be present with your family.

I truly believe that if I didn't believe in this whole "presence" thing and taking things one day at a time I would be panicking right now but here's the thing...

I've got God on my side.

I've got God telling me to breathe.

I've got God holding me and guiding me through all of this.

I've got an amazing support system.

I've got amazing congregants at Indian Heights.

I can't wait to go on this journey with each of them and I can't wait to just breathe (that happens, right, Nanette?)

God bless you all. You are loved, you are enough and you are all worthy

-Rev. Ali

"And Craig was Smiling"

I tend to talk about the things that are on my mind the most....well... as most of you know, I recently left my appointment (Sunday was my last day) and started this week at Indian Heights UMC as their one and only Pastor. Just me.

My first Sunday is this Sunday and I look forward to sharing my story with them, to sharing the Good News of Christ with them and helping them to believe, as my good friend Tiffany has helped me to know, that they are enough, they are worthy and they belong.

My last week at Grace was a classic last week. I got home from annual conference on a Saturday morning, preached Saturday evening, did a funeral on Monday and packed up my desk on Tuesday and Thursday. Phew.

I have talked about my anxiety on here, I have talked about my stress and of course situations like that bring out all of those feelings in me. I have ways I handle things but there are times when you need something you do not realize and that for me came from our accompanist right before the funeral service.

Rick is the Director of Music for Grace and knew my dad really well as he was the choir director and my dad loved that choir, they even sang at his funeral.

Rick called me over and told me that he usually doesn't think much about Pastors moving and struggles with the belief that we can still be surrounded by our loved ones once they pass yet he smiled at me, got tears in his eyes and said "When I heard of your appointment change, I looked up and saw Craig just smiling. He is so proud of you".

Part of my grief in leaving Grace is leaving the church that my dad loved. Not being able to look at the choir loft each week and see my dad's face and leaving the place where we celebrated his life.

And then Rick reminded me that the veil between this world and the next is so thin. That Jesus went before us, prepared a table and my dad is sitting at that table smiling and I guarantee you he will be singing in the choir on Sunday at Indian Heights, sitting in the front row and smiling as I start this next adventure in my family's life.

God bless the things you don't expect and pay attention to them when they happen.

Know you are loved, worthy and belong

Rev. Ali

This is Summer

I don't particularly love summer. I like spring and fall a lot better but it seems as though we now have two seasons that are either so hot it is unbearable or so cold you don't ever want to leave you bed. Heat and I are just not friends.

I am fair skinned and burn faster than you can imagine. I can go outside for 10 minutes and burn, I can ride in a car and burn, if I don't reapply every 45 minutes I can burn. I can remember as a child our family never went to the beach, well just a few times. I remember my mom telling us to pretend we were Irish because that would at least help people know why we were so fair skinned and wore layers to the beach :-)

Paul has helped me get out of my comfort zone this summer. On the hottest of days he has made me come outside and watch the kids run through the sprinkler and allow them to spray me. He has made us all get in the hot hot hot hot car and go get ice cream. Watching your two year old eat ice cream really is a joy and a mess. He made us go fishing as a family the other night....we didn't catch anything and the mosquitoes were everywhere but we went.

So maybe just maybe this whole summer thing is starting to grow on me.

Watching Henry chase lightning bugs, watching Tannie experience the pool, watching them both pull down the branches of the mulberry tree and eat the berries- now that is summer and is something I am enjoying.

This week the great plains conference of the United Methodist Church is gathering for annual conference. We are in Wichita and it is HOT. Yet as I walked to and from my car today I wasn't upset about the heat, I just simply soaked it in (it also helped that this nice man in a golf cart drove me to my car in the heat of the afternoon!)

This is my first conference. I have found it to be interesting so far and I have learned a thing or two I didn't know but the part I truly enjoyed and will soak in was being in the clergy section. Going to the clergy sessions, seeing my name listed in the long booklet of clergy in our conference, along with the retired clergy which includes my grandfather. I am fulfilling his legacy and seeing my name with his- well that was enough for me to know that I truly am.

When we focus on what we don't like about things we aren't able to live in the present and in the moment. We aren't able to experience the beauty of this earth that God has created, we aren't able to fully participate in the Kingdom of God that is everywhere we go.

Enjoy the heat, go to the pool, watch your kids chase fireflies and experience the Kingdom of God in everything you do.

Also, my mother in-laws apple pie really is the icing on the cake

Have a blessed summer.

It's in my blood...here we go!

I like plans. 

I like structure. I like knowing what is coming next.

God however, has a different way of doing things. God tends to come into our lives and change things when we don't think we need a change, when we are content with what is happening in our lives and when we have planned our career around when our children will both be in school full time.

My world is changing a bit...

Mother's Day weekend we were in Andover visiting my in-laws. I had two missed calls over that weekend from a 785 area code and just ignored both. I get a lot of soliciting calls and people saying I won a trip to Florida and a cruise- of course after I pay $1000. 

When we got home, I finally listened to the voicemail and it was our district superintindent- my boss in the United Methodist Church. 

My first thought was "crap. crap. crap. They only call for one reason this time of year"

You see this is appointment season. I thought I had gotten through it without getting a call because it was late in the season and I wasn't requesting a new appointment nor was Grace asking for me to move. 

Yet I knew why he was calling and I was right.

"Hi Ali..."

And that was it. I was offered a full time appointment. My OWN church. ME. Why me? 

I have been told multiple times by my dear friend Tiffany that I am enough, that I deserve good things and that I will be a great Pastor. But me? 

I haven't been to seminary yet and I am still taking classes. So me? 

I said yes within 24 hours, met with the Staff Parish committee later that week and my church home at Grace was told this week.

As of July 1st, I will be the Lead and ONLY Pastor at Indian Heights UMC in Overland Park.

ME!

I keep thinking why. I keep wondering what are they thinking and then I go to God.

I trust that God is putting me in the right place. I trust that God knows I can do this and I trust in a God that gives me the strength I need to lead.

It is interesting. I am a good leader. I ran a domestic violence shelter and co-supervised over 30 people. I made policies, changes and did things that were incredibly hard. Of course I can run a church...but every week? As the only Pastor? 

It's in my blood. My family is United Methodist through and through. Our family has had Pastors in every generation (except my mom's) dating back to the circuit riders.

This is my calling. This is what I am supposed to do. 

The members of this church are lovely. They are kind, generous, welcoming and open- everything I love about the United Methodist Church. I am beyond thrilled to be their new Pastor and I can't wait to see where this next chapter takes me.

I am sad to leave Grace. That church raised me. I have been a member there for 20 years. My dad's funeral was there. Both of my kids were baptized there but at some point everyone has to move on. To spread their wings and fly.

So here we go and I can't wait.

Blessings to you all. Come find me on July 1st and every Sunday after at Indian Heights in OP.

What are we doing?

"Now a man of the tribe of Levi married a Levite woman, 2 and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. 3 But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket[a] for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. 4 His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him"
Exodus 2:-4

It is a story most of us know. A story of two people that could not hide the child they were supposed to have killed so they put the baby in the basket and sent him up the river. We know this story ends with Pharaoh's daughter finding the baby and raising the baby that we all know as Moses. Moses would go on to fight for the freedom of his people, The Israelites.

It's such an old story. It seems that it has zero relevance today except that Moses freeing the Israelites has pivotal in the story of the Bible. 

Here is where I am stuck and can't quite figure out how to ignore this. 

Yesterday I read a facebook post by Rachel Held Evans, a writer and blogger. She shared of immigrants crossing the border and having their children being ripped from their arms and taken as "punishment" for crossing the borders illegally. These are people that are fleeing persecution in their own countries, that despite what they may or may not know about the state of the US still believe it will be better. So they risk it and come. They come hoping for a better life and then their children are taken. Put into the foster care system or maybe lost in the foster care system some to be suspected to be sold into human trafficking.

Moses' mother knew that her child would be killed if he was found. All boys under the age of 2 were to be killed out of fear. Pharaoh wanted all of the power- so when power is threatened just kill kids. For Moses' mother this is what she thought was best. She risked him being killed in the river, being found by someone that would know he was an Israelite and kill him yet she thought this was the best option for her son. 

As we honor fallen soilders and those that have gone before us today, I wonder what they would think of this. I wonder if the country they fought for was one that takes children from their mothers' arms or if it is a country that provides stability and life for people that may not find is elsewhere. 

When a young person signs up to be in the military you often hear them say that they want to do good, they want to defend our country, they want to make us safe. 

We are lucky. We are lucky to live in a country that gives us the freedom to walk out our door and not worry that a bomb will fall on us. Now there are many things not okay with this country but I won't go into that. 

I want to believe that the people who have served our country and have lost their lives for our country wanted it to be safe for all people. For the children they met while serving in Iraq that were scared, hungry and needed safety. 

I have to believe our world is better than this.

Moses was lucky and chosen by God to save his people. Moses' mother risked it all to save her son and knew that she would likely never see him again. This story should be one of hope for all of us, that we do not have to live in fear of this EVER again. Yet it isn't.

I don't know how to fix this, how to do something about it but I do know that Jesus welcomed the stranger, fed the hungry and preached for us to welcome the immigrant.

Prayer and hopes won't fix this. Legislation and fighting for the oppressed is what will. 

Rachel Held Evans encourages all of us to call our Senators and Representatives to tell them to make this stop. Call. Call. Call. 

Action and fighting for what is right is what will help us all be the transformation that our world needs, that God longs for and Jesus preached about.

Moses was an unlikely choice to save his people- he hated talking in front of crowds, he was awkward. Yet he was chosen, just as we all are. To share our abundance and the love to Christ to all that we meet.

God Bless all those that fought for my life to be free and for all those that continue to do so. May we make you proud and live as our God and country wants us to.

Blessings to all

It's coming!! It's coming!!

Well it better be coming. I have waited all week for today. Not because it is nice out but because any time now it won't be. The wind will be blowing, the rain will be coming down like sheets of water, the thunder will rumble and oh the lightning. The lightning will illuminate the sky.

It's the first severe weather of storm season. I am a Leitnaker, so of course, this is exciting. I love storms. I get that from my dad and his brothers. Watching a storm roll in is quite possible one of the most majestic things I have ever seen. Watching the sky go from light to dark and back to light.

Storms. Storms are much like our lives. We live in the light and the day to day of most days. We live with the blessings of our families, friends, co-workers, whatever you define as family. We live with what we have and attempt to be grateful for it and we live knowing that the very presence of God is with us all the time.

Yet the storms come. Grief, illness, addiction, cancer, loss of a job, etc... the storms happen. They happen every day to people all over the world and to people right in your neighborhood and maybe even to you. Storms are what make us stronger. They are what bring us closer to the light once again because as God promised, at the end of each storm is a rainbow; a covenant that life will go on, that you will be okay and that with the grace and love of God anything is possible.

Storms are what bring life to this world. The rain waters the ground that desperately needs it and the plants that we long to see blooming. The promise of new beginnings and growth in a world that needs it.

Where will you watch the storm tonight? Some of you may hunker down in the basement in fear of what the storm may bring and that is okay- storms are scary and often bring out anxiety and fear in us. Some of us will watch from the garage and hold onto the very thought of what is to come after. Wherever you watch the storm; just know God is with you hunkering down in the basement and walking right into it.

And if this turns out to be the next great flood; I am convinced that the boat my husband building has to be the next ark because the amount of time he spends on it is..well a lot. So of course God is talking to him and preparing him to be the next Noah :-)

Enjoy the weather, enjoy the storm. Embrace it, hold on to the knowledge of what is to come after. The light, the rainbow and the hope for a new tomorrow.

Blessings to all.

Ali

Happy 80th to my Kindred Spirit

The other day, my Nani, called me and like normal we were talking about flowers. We were both so frustrated that we couldn't plant anything yet and that this Kansas weather was preventing us from doing the thing we love the most.

At the end of this conversation my Nani said "A bit of my soul is in you" and I replied "you are my kindred spirit".

Margaret Beth Hayes (Pinky, Mom, Nani, Bari) turned 80 this week.

She and I share a love of flowers. I wouldn't have guessed this would have been the case but something about flowers bring me closer to God, they bring me hope and joy and in my garden is where I feel the most serene.

My Nani is one of my best friends. We talk 2-3 times a week and while we try to talk about other things we often land of flowers. Our common thread, what makes us one in the same.

My Grandmother has lived a long beautiful life.

In her 80 years she has traveled all over the world, lived in India for a long period of time and was a ministers wife and teacher.

She loved teaching and when she retired took on the task of teaching all of us. She never missed a teaching moment. A chance to take us out the Santa Fe trail ruts on Highway 56, on a trip with her sister and Uncle Jack to tour where Native Americans live, she took us on adventures through her stories and love of a life.

Her favorite phrase is  "never let a good story get in the way of the truth" and that is how she lives her life.

I don't know if she actually covered herself in mud with her sisters after they dug a hole to China to feed the kids there their vegetables and had to walk home in their undergarments. So in an effort to be  "invisible" they covered themselves in mud singing "we are the mud sisters, the mud sisters, the mud sisters". And I don't want to know. The beauty and comedy of that story is one that will always stick with me.

My Nani is always up for an adventure, whatever it may be and she is the light of our family.

She is the ones that makes all love Christmas. Since I was a child I can remember getting letters from her on Dec. 26th that said "remember Christmas is Dec. 25th" I never told her that I could tell the "letters from Santa" were in her handwriting because it didn't matter.

Our Nani is strong, beautiful, eccentric, full of life and will probably out live all of us.

I know how lucky I am. I know how amazing she is and I know that having your grandma as your best friend may be strange but it's the truth.

Her soul is in me and she is my kindred spirit.

Happy Birthday, Nani. I love you.

The tooth fairy was there too

Holy week started with Palm Sunday; the parade of Jesus and his disciples into Jerusalem. Today is Maundy Thursday where we remember the last supper and the first communion. Tomorrow we remember the death and resurrection of Jesus and then Sunday we celebrate that he has risen!

Explaining the Easter season to a 5 year old is hard. Blood, torture, death, resurrection, angels...all of it just sounds so awful. And it was awful. Horrible. Something a 5 year old should not have to hear about. I am blessed we live in a place where my children are shielded from all of that. Perhaps if they had experienced trauma or seen mass causalities like children in Syria, the Easter story truly would bring them hope and light but they haven't and for that we are lucky. 

Henry began asking about the Easter bunny about a week ago. 

"Mom, is the bunny just a guy in a suit?"

Me (after gasping and having no clue what to say) "What do you think?"

"I think yes, maybe he is"

Then he dropped it. Until later that evening.

Henry "Dad, is the Easter bunny just a guy in a costume?"

Paul "Yeah, it is, bud"

Me- silently hitting Paul on the arm in the front seat of the car because we had not discussed how to handle any of this Easter bunny, Santa stuff. I then asked him "Well do you think that Easter bunny brings your presents?"

Henry "No, the real one does.." end of discussion.

To be honest, the Easter bunny freaks me out. Most of them are creepy and I just can't get on board with the connection between Easter and Jesus. It is a stretch and simply not there. Now, Santa makes more sense. He is an actual person and there was a Saint Nicholas that gave presents to children. Okay, makes sense. I am just glad he didn't ask about that.

Then we come to the tooth fairy.

I picked Henry up from school on Tuesday and he told me that he knew the story of Easter.

"Jesus came to this town on a donkey. Then these bad guys put him in a cave. THEN the tooth fairy came and said "JESUS IS ALIVE"'. 

Okay...donkey, yes. Cave/tomb whatever. Tooth fairy? 

I asked if it was an angel... nope, tooth fairy

I asked if it was a woman named Mary, nope the tooth fairy. And he knows he is right because it was in his teachers favorite book and she is always right.

As you embark on this holy week try to remember the joy and hope that comes out of the sorrow and pain. 

Tonight we remember the last supper, the first communion, the time that Jesus washes the feet of his disciples and again tells him what will happen. 

Tomorrow we remember the ultimate sacrifice, the 7 last words that Jesus spoke before dying on the cross and being carried to the tomb.

Then Sunday morning we will stand together, as one, as people of God proclaiming that Christ is Alive and Christ is risen, even the tooth fairy will be there.

Happy Easter

Rain Rain Go Away....or maybe stay

It's raining today. Rain means several things in my life.

1. Kids can't go outside. Explaining to a 1 year old why they can't go blow bubbles in the rain is pretty much impossible The poor thing keeps yelling at the back door which is driving me crazy... The 5 year old is literally jumping on the couches so do I let him keep doing that and wait and see if he gets hurt or continue to yell and lose my voice and my sanity...

2. The dogs won't pee and poop in the yard. Yep, they won't. They refuse to go into the yard because heaven forbid their feet get wet. So there is literally crap on my deck. Poop broom (yes we have one of those) will have to be used when it dries. Gross

3. I can't do laundry. There is literally standing water in our yard. We are on a septic system and have had issues with it so doing laundry when we have this much rain is too hard on it. So the pile just keep growing.

So my life is super fun today. But here is what I know about rain.

It means new life. The flowers in my garden are starting to grow which means I am extremely happy. The flowers bring me joy and happiness at times when I struggle to find it.

Rain waters the ground that is incredibly dry and maybe just maybe will wash away all of the pollen that is making my ears, throat and nose angry.

Rain is also a sign of hope. When the rains came in Genesis, Noah built an arc. Now, I won't go into my thoughts on the whole Noah and the arc story but what I will say is that at the end God created a rainbow and said that never again would God wipe out an entire Nation. God made a covenant with Noah that after the rains a rainbow will appear as a sign of hope, life, grace and mercy.

While the rain creates conflict in my own life it is beyond and bigger than myself.

My dad loved rain and storms. His birthday is this week. He would have been 61. He would love a day like today. Keeping watch on the rain gauge to see how much he got. He would be texting his brothers to see how much rain they were getting.

Rain is a sign of love for me. It is a sign that even in the darkness there is light and love and hope of new life. Rain brings the flowers, rain brings the memory of my father to the forefront of my mind, rain brings life.

While I still have to figure out what to do with these children, dogs and all of my laundry, I will try to sit with the beauty of the rain and the promise that God made to each of us with the rainbow.

God bless you all.

I surrender

When I was a kid I can remember hearing my friends talk about lent. They would talk about giving something up because God wants you to give something up that you really love. I can remember asking why and no one could really tell me; they said it was because they were supposed to.

As a United Methodist I was never told that I had to give something up- in fact I can't remember ever having a Pastor mention anything about it. But it was kind of cool to do so a few times I gave up soda, which I really wasn't allowed to have so that wasn't too hard and one time I tried to give up sugar but that lasted like a day and then I felt like I had betrayed God and that didn't feel right.

Giving up "things" at lent still doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I understand the need and purpose of fasting in order to experience a more spiritual connection to God, I can understand not eating meat one day a week in order to celebrate the lenten season and build community with others during your weekly fish fry. All of that I can get. But giving something up.

I am not sure that God really wants us to be lacking of things we enjoy. 

As my faith has grown and my understanding of lent has matured- I have realized that giving something up is not the purpose of lent. The purpose of lent is to surrender. To surrender to God. To allow God to take over our anxieties, our worries and our fears. To allow the holy spirit to work in our lives so that when we feel all the weight of the world on us we know that we are not alone. We can trust in the power of the Divine to hold us and make us safe because that is the very covenant God made with us from the beginning of time. 

As Jesus is preparing for his arrest, death and resurrection he foretells of this many times. His disciples, particularly Peter, don't want to hear it. They don't want to believe that their teacher, their friend, their Rabbi will be arrested and killed. I mean who would want to believe that about the beloved son of God?

In Mark 14 we read about the arrest of Jesus. As Jesus is being arrested, he looks upon the people arresting him and says "have you com out with swords and clubs to arrest me as though I were a bandit? Day after day I was with you in the temple teaching, and you did not arrest me. But let the scripture be fulfilled"

But let the scripture be fulfilled. 

It has been prophesied over and over again that the son of God will come to the earth and will be arrested, crucified and resurrected. Jesus has finally surrendered to his fate. He knows that this is what must happen in order to save the people of God, in order to show to his people his whole heart, his pure love and what it ultimately means to surrender to the will of God. To allow God to take on your hardships, to let God be with you even in the toughest of times and to allow the very spirit of God to be upon you every day no matter how much you fight it or don't want to believe it to be possible. 

I encourage you all to surrender this lent. To allow God into your lives in a way maybe you never have. To give your worry and anxiety to God and when it seems to overwhelm you and consume you go to God in prayer and trust that no matter how hard it is God is with you through all of it because that is the very promise God made to us from the very beginning of time and the promise God continues to make with us every single day.

Blessings to all of you

I am terrified of kindergarten

Henry can't stop talking about how excited he is for kindergarten. He hears his cousin, Will, talk about school and can't wait to go and meet new friends, eat hot lunch, go to recess, all of it.

I am terrified. I am not terrified because my child will be in school all day everyday away from me. Nah, we will be ok. Henry NEEDS school, he needs to be busy all day and school will do him good. I am terrified because of what is happening in our world.

I am terrified that my child will go to school and think it is "normal" to have active shooter drills.

I am terrified that my child will go to school and think that he is going to be killed because it happens.

I am terrified that my child will go to school and come home asking why someone would want to kill him.

THIS IS NOT OK.

THIS IS NOT OK.

THIS IS NOT OK.

My biggest fears SHOULD be
- Will he like his teacher?
-Will he make friends?
-Will he do well?
-Will he be accepted for who he is?

Yet all those fears seems nothing compared to my ultimate fear.

Last week when we saw yet another school shooting it is almost as though something shifted. Something shifted in our country. People are speaking out. Kids are marching out of schools and demanding action from the adults that promise to take care of them. They are demanding that they be taken care of.

I am in awe of the strength and resilience of these children. BUT the TRUTH IS they should NOT be the ones marching and demanding change. IT SHOULD BE ALL OF US. We should NOT be okay with our kids accepting this as normal, we should not be okay with our kids being the ones demanding action.

It is our job to do this. It is our job to change things. I don't know what all I can do but I do know that I can go to this meeting on March 3rd for Moms Demand Gunsense and learn what I can do. I do know that I can talk about this, that I can pray about it and that I can act.

Prayer is great- it is not enough. ACTION and prayer is better.

Jesus preaches on action, activism and actually doing something. He preached on non-violence on putting down your sword, standing up for what you believe in and demanding peace.

If I am going to be a disciple of Christ this is how I need to respond.

Glennon Doyle posted this amazing video on her facebook page- go look it up! She demands action for our children and to call your congressmen to demand this action. It is easy- they give you a script, they give you numbers. Use them! You can find her video on my facebook page.

So here's the thing. I don't want to be terrified of kindergarten. I don't want my son to see my anxiety and fear when he goes to school that first day. I want him to be excited, I want to be excited, I want to feel that he is safe, loved and cared for.

I have not said anything about gun control- I want that to be clear. I am simply saying that we have to have adults leading our country that take into account the children in our schools when passing bills and legislation that could impact their lives or perhaps save them.

Henry will start kindergarten in the fall and I am committed to making it fun, I am committed to making him excited. I am committed to demanding action to make this happen.

God bless you all, God bless the little children

Confession time....

I have a confession to make.

It is one that has been eating me up inside for a really long time.

I hide this obsession from so many people.

My son tells me it is gross and to put it away.

My husband just doesn't get it.

I am ready to confess to the world because it feels like such a heavy burden to be carrying.

Okay...here it goes...deep breath

I am OBSESSED with Dr. Pimple Popper. This is not just a "watch a new video when she post it on her youtube" type of obsession. No, it's watch it constantly. When I am drinking my coffee in the morning, I am watching a cyst come out. When I rocking my daughter to sleep we watch blackheads being popped together and when I lay in bed at night I tend to watch dilated pore of winers or something to that nature.

The obsession started when I was nursing Tannie. I needed something that didn't require noise to watch while I was up for hours at night with her. Then I found her. I found Dr. Sandra Lee, Dr. Pimple Popper.

She has a whole youtube channel, a show now on TLC and is often on the show "The Doctors"

I don't know what it is about it but something incredibly satisfying happens within me when the cyst, blackhead or whatever is off. Now of course I tend to fast forward through the stitches because that's just gross. But the rest of it. Oh the rest of it.

I can remember my dad had a cyst on his back for most of my life. One day he came home from the Dr. and told me that he had it removed and the contents shot across the room. I was jealous. Seriously jealous that I didn't get to see it. As a teen, I was lucky and didn't have acne, but my sister did and so did my cousin. And they would let me pop their pimples- I am sorry for outing the both of you but it was so much fun. I secretly hope that my kids will have it so I can help them- I now know the ways to express blackheads without leaving a scar. How awful is that? I hope my kids have acne so I can pop it.

I felt as though I needed to get this off my chest and maybe share it with the world. Maybe some of you have the same obsession and didn't know Dr. Pimple Popper existed or maybe you too were hiding your love for it and now you can be free to be you.

So I am going to share a video. One that some of you may find really hard to watch but it has over 15 million views. I believe I am responsible for 7.5 million of those. As my sister said "It is strangely satisfying"

That really is all I have to say for now, nothing about grief and death, nothing about my faith, simply me confessing to the world that I LOVE WATCHING PIMPLES BEING POPPED :-)

Enjoy! If the video doesn't work just click on this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lVSblzukr0&index=17&list=PLJZ_ok3xiAi9dQ2J8RsfN6z_Dlu2c1evO&has_verified=1

Whoa Up, Sister

I have to first admit that I am borrowing this phrase from Jen Hatmaker. She is an amazing author and her latest book is really speaking to me. I highly recommend reading "Of Mess and Moxie". It will make you laugh and cry all in the same chapter.

Winter is a hard time of year for so many of us. Not only is it cold- I have to tell my son everyday if it is "dangerous" cold or just "regular" cold- but the days are short and the months are long. It is a time of year where people spend most of their time secluded in their homes and don't venture out unless they have to. It is also a time of year of sorrow for so many people. It is strange how much death occurs in the winter months but also not really. Christmas is over. People have spent time with their families and if they are ready to go or they are fighting some kind of disease it seems like the right time.

Last winter I made a promise to live in joy and not sorrow or fear. Of course a few days later my Grandpa died and then exactly 4 weeks after that we lost my Grandma. And over those 4 weeks was the time that my dad had passed 3 years before. Yet, I think making the promise to myself to live in joy was the best decision I had made. Because I was able to get through all of that with grace and dignity. I was okay.

This winter, I didn't start out with the same or similar intention. In fact, I have spent the last month or so living in fear, dread and sorrow. I have felt the impact of grief harder this year than most and the continuous worry of my own family weighs on me daily. I mean how many times can they tell us that basically we are all going to get the flu and there is a chance we may die. DON'T TURN ON THE NEWS OR RADIO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS.

So then I started reading this book. By the introduction I was hooked. I knew I couldn't put it down. And then she got to the part about fear. She went on about all the bad things that were going on in her life and how she just lived in constant fear of what the next bad thing would be and THEN all of a sudden she realized that God didn't make us to be fearful and that FEAR IS A LIAR. Say that over and over again "FEAR IS A LIAR, FEAR IS A LIAR". It really helps.

She ends this page with the phrase "Whoa up, sister. These thoughts and ideas cannot be trusted"

So that is my plan. I will NOT LIVE IN FEAR. FEAR IS A LIAR. God did not give me the spirit of fear. God gave me the spirit of hope, grace, mercy, joy, love. God gave me all the tools I need to live a life of abundance and to not let fear rule me.

So whoa up, whoa up, whoa up. That is what I will continue to say to myself every time fear starts to creep it's ugly face in.

We are braver than fear, we are stronger than fear and we are made to live our lives full as beloved children of God.

So Whoa Up. You all got this. We all got this because the crazy thing is- we all have God on our side. Walking with us through this crazy, beautiful, messy life.

Blessings to you all during this Whoa up season.

Love, your special one

I have started a blog post several times over the last few days. Trying to find the words to describe how I am feeling lately, how hard it is to raise 2 children while working and taking care of a home and how to deal with this lingering grief and upcoming anniversary of my dad's death.

It is amazing how life goes on. How our lives just keep going.

I have written before about winter being all about death. It is simply the truth in my life. 3 deaths over a 4 week period. Two of them are easier to remember and bring a sense of peace and joy in my life. But my dad. My dad.

When I was a kid, my dad called me his "special  one". Of course my siblings said it was because I was "special" but my dad just had a special place in his heart for me. I was a sensitive kid. Took everything personally and would often break out in a tantrum at the drop of a hat. My dad saw me. He understood what was going on with me. He knew that I just needed him and just needed to be heard.

Last summer our family went to Florida on vacation with my husband's family. We were all in a house for a week and it was an amazing week. A week filled with adventures of checking crab traps, riding on jet ski's, swimming in the ocean and seeing the Blue Angels fly. It was a trip that Henry still talks about.

That trip was the first time I realized how much alike Henry and I are. Henry is a sensitive kid. He has always been. He gets his feelings hurt easily and when he hurts someone else he feels this intense regret and remorse. He feels things and I see that. One of the nights we were there, Henry got his feelings hurt. So I walked with him for awhile down to the end of the dock where his dad was fishing. As we walked, we stopped and talked for awhile. I told my Henry that he was my special one. That he was the one I see and know how he is feeling. He cried even more when I told him that. And to this day, I tell him all the time that he is my special one.

My dad taught me how to be a good parent (mom did too) but he taught me how to SEE my kids. How to acknowledge their emotions and how to make sure they know their value and worth.

As this week comes and I remember each day of the days leading up to this death, I am trying to choose to remember the things that he taught me. The things that I carry on through his legacy. The things that make me, me because of him.

It is interesting that even after death, I can still learn from him. I can see how things he did changed me and shaped me into the person I am today. I see him in each of my siblings and in my children and my nephew.

He is still around in each of us yet it doesn't make it easier.

This week is hard. It is a week I dread each year. It is a week where I burst into tears for the smallest things. Where I am on edge constantly and where I long to go back and say more and do more. Yet that is grief.

Death changes you. Grief changes you, there is no denying that. Yet in the midst of my grief and my longing for a different story, I find grace and beauty in the world around me. I find it in my son, my daughter and my beautiful family.

I know God's grace surrounds me at these times. I know that God is with me through it all and I know that my dad is simply a veil away, longing and hoping he too was with  us.

God Bless you, dad. I miss you. - Your Special One

"Heaven is in Hawaii"

This is the name of Henry's new song that he has been singing to me for the past few days. There is a video of it here. 

He started singing this song the other day and at first I was like "umm so my dad left us all and went to Hawaii and that is where he has been all this time" And Henry said "Mom, Heaven is in Hawaii"

5 year old kids are so intuitive. Henry knows that this season of the year is hard for me. He knows that over the next few weeks I will remember the loss of my dad and both of my dad's parents. They all died within a 4 week period. And here he is, singing a song to me all about my dad and how he is in heaven in Hawaii. :-)

Last year, without knowing what the winter would bring, I wrote a blog that I refused to live in fear since it was winter. That I wasn't going to allow my own grief to control my life and that whatever happened that winter I would embrace it. Within 5 weeks of that blog both of my dad's parents passed away. 

To be honest, coming to this conclusion is what probably got me through their deaths. It wasn't that it was unexpected but 4 weeks apart, to the day, was. It wasn't that they were young and still had a lot of life in front of them- no they were over 80, almost 90 and had lived long full lives. But the pain of losing both of your grandparents within a month was hard. 

However, I had already committed to not allowing my own grief control me that winter, so I didn't. I embraced it. I embraced their deaths and allowed myself to lean into the pain of it, to lean into the pain of my own grief coming up and to lean into the pain that life and death are really just a part of our time on earth and when it is all said and done we move on to the next phase. 

God has given me the strength that I need to also embrace this winter. To embrace whatever is to come. To know that I have the strength to get through whatever life throws at me this winter.

Life is hard and messy and filled with pain. But it is also incredibly beautiful if you just stop and live in the moment of the life you are living. 

My doctor recently told me that as she continues in her practice year after year, she has come to realize that birth and death are the two most beautiful experiences she gets to have. To be able to hand someone their new baby is incredibly beautiful and to be able to sit with a patient at the end of their life brings a great deal of peace and beauty to her life. She told me that she didn't expect this when she first started in family practice but she is surprised how much it has changed her. It was simply beautiful to hear her put it that way. 

Birth and death are beautiful. We come from the ground and to the ground we return. 

And apparently when we die we just go to Hawaii so that sounds fine to me!

Embrace your life, embrace whatever is coming and know that you are never alone. God is always with you and you are stronger than you think you are.

(oh and yes, I know my daughter is climbing on the table here...it's her new favorite thing)

The Value of A Dream

Once a month I have to attend a mentor group as part of my candidacy for ministry process. The group has good people in it and the conversation is interesting but last night I did not want to go. It was dreary out, the holidays have been overwhelming and all I wanted to do was curl up and watch the Bachelor. But I went b/c I am required.

Marilyn, our mentor, shared that her church didn't celebrate Epiphany the day before so we were going to celebrate epiphany.

I had just preached on epiphany the day before so I was sure I knew everything she had to say (I can get ahead of myself a bit). I was surprised at how much I learned or thought about last night. Things I knew or had read but didn't put much focus on really stuck out to me. The Bible is interesting that way. When you read a passage over and over again you often find different themes or words popping out at you that you didn't ever hear before. It is what makes it possible for Pastors to preach on the same text over and over again.

Last night, Marilyn, made a point to mention each time the scripture said the word "dream".

1. Joseph has a dream telling him that Mary will have a child conceived by the Holy Spirit and he is to name him Jesus.

2. The wise men have a dream warning them to not go back to their home land through Jerusalem as they had come in fear that Herod may harm then.

3. An angel of the Lord appears to Joseph in a dream telling him to take Mary and baby Jesus to Egypt b/c Herod is trying to have them killed.

4. An angel of the Lord appears to Joseph again in a dream telling him it is safe to return to the land of Israel because Herod had died.

Dreams. What if Joseph and the wise men hadn't listened to their dreams. The whole narrative of the Bible would have been different. Mary would have been a single mother, shunned by her community raising the Christ child alone. The wise men would have gone back to Herod and either been killed for keeping the location of the child a secret or Jesus may have been found and killed due to them telling Herod where he was. Mary, Joseph and Jesus may not have fled to Egypt where they found refuge and they may not have returned to the town of Nazareth where Jesus would be raised and start his ministry.

So much would be different. Dreams have significance in our lives. It is amazing what kind of answers or guidance you can get from them if you are open to what they are saying.

Several times in my life I have had dreams that helped to change the course of what I was doing. Before I went into ministry I had dreams of being a Pastor. Too many to count but it took a significant event in my life, the death of my father, for me to finally listen to them and choosing to listen changed my life forever and for the better.

Two stand out to me the most. Right after my cousin Skyler died, his sister, Brittany, asked for our Bari Nani (great-grandmother) to come to her in a dream. That SAME night she came to me. Bari Nani was young and beautiful wearing a pink suit- which I later found out from her daughter that she owned a pink suit- and she was sitting with a young blonde blue eyed boy. She told me that she had Skyler and that all was well. When I told Brittany about the dream she froze, she didn't tell me that she had asked for Bari Nani to come to her and it was overwhelming what peace it brought to both of us.

The second was about a year after my dad passed. I wasn't doing okay. I was struggling on a daily basis and everyone saw it. I tried to hide it and pretend like life was normal but it wasn't. I had a dream one night where my dad showed up in my doorway, looked at me and said "It will all be okay". I woke up the next morning and had energy like I hadn't in a long time, I felt okay. I called my mom and told her about the dream and she, like Brittany, was silent. She then told me that she was on the back deck the night before yelling at my father to find a way to tell me everything would be okay. From that moment on, everything was. It changed me.

Dreams can change us. Dreams are so significant in our lives and often times we dismiss them as our minds wondering or as nothing. Yet when we hold onto the dream, listen to what it was saying, maybe just maybe we will be hearing the voice of God through the ones that we love. Guiding us, helping us and holding us.

I for one am glad that Joseph and the wise men listened to their dreams. They had faith and trusted in that faith. Enough to change the course of their life. When we do this, when we put our full trust and faith in God it is amazing what it can do for your life.

Listen to your dreams. You never know what it may do for you.

Blessings to all