To Believe or Not Believe....

Yesterday my cousin, Brittany, and I went to the KC Psychic fair. Yep. You read that right. We thought it would be something fun to do and were really interested in what was going to be there. When we got there it was very much a typical fair- except for the whole psychic/crystal/medium part. There were booths throughout the space with books, crystals, tarot cards, etc... pretty standard for a psychic fair, I think...

Britt had read that there was a workshop at 1pm called "Spirit Gallery". We knew it was lead by a psychic medium but we had no clue what she actually going to do. I honestly thought she may just talk about the work that she does and how to make an appointment with her. I didn't expect to actually get a reading.

Jamie, the medium, started by telling us about herself and how she communicates with spirits. She talked about the feeling she gets in different parts of her body and the images that spirits show her as a way to talk. Then she said that she was going to spend the session showing us a little bit about what she does and she could already feel the presence of spirits in the room.

The first thought through my mind was "okay..if this is real my dad will be here and he will be first". You see, my father never wanted to miss out on anything. He never met a stranger and always wanted to be around for everything that happened. This is one of the reasons he was so beloved by people. My sister had been to a medium around this time last year with her husband, John. Paige and John had both lost a parent that year so figured there was no time like the present to see if this whole medium thing was real. When they got there the medium told them she was excited to see them b/c our dad had been there all day anxiously waiting for Paige. So this was going to be test- if my dad was one of these spirits I knew he would be first.

Jamie closed her eyes and appeared to be concentrating really hard. (keep in mind: I have never met Jamie. She didn't know my name or anything about me) She immediately stood right in front of me, opened her eyes and said "there is a very strong male presence surrounding you. A father type figure, does that make sense?" The tears started flowing and I nodded "yes". She continued to talk saying that my father keeps saying "special. My special baby girl." She asked me if that made sense. I sobbed even harder. My dad called me "his special one". How in the world would Jamie know that? Jamie continued to say things about my father that she would have no way of knowing. She knew how he died; she knew it was fast- here one minute gone the next. She knew that there was a lot of pressure on his chest and it all came out at once. She knew that I had anxiety. She knew that I had guilt (that's another blog!) and she knew that he called me his special  one. In the end she said "He just wants you to know he is okay, that he is always around and when you think it is him- it is"

As the session continued she gave several readings. I kept looking at Brittany knowing she was hoping that her brother, Skyler, would come forward. The session was almost over when Jamie stood in front of Brittany and asked about a male energy. Jamie said "there is a male energy, young not quite a child but not an adult- maybe 19? that is on a stage singing and loves music". Brittany started sobbing. That was no doubt Skyler. Again, Jamie doesn't know Brittany. She doesn't know her name, she didn't know that she lost a brother when he was 19. Jamie continued to talk about things associated with Skyler and his death that only family and friends would know. In the end she said that Skyler wants her to know that he is healing, that he took responsibility for what happened to him and that he is okay.

So the question is: do you believe or not believe?

My answer: I believe.

How could I not believe? I constantly think that my father is around. I will often stop what I am doing, close my eyes and say "hi dad". My son will tell me that Nana visits him at night; there was even a time that my son described the exact outfit that my dad was buried in. Henry was one when my dad died and never saw him in that outfit... I don't think any of this is a coincidence. I never expected that when my Dad died he would ever actually leave us. I will always believe that he will be right with us until the day he greets us into the Kingdom of Heaven. Because that is my faith and what makes me feel even closer to God.

Biblically, going to a medium is kind of against the rules. However, I will challenge this. It isn't evil. It isn't meant to put a spell on anyone or to predict our future. It is simply a way to talk with your loved ones once they have passed and to feel a connection that is far beyond what was felt in the physical world. Being able to feel my father with me even after he is gone is my glimpse into that Kingdom on earth.

I believe the Kingdom of Heaven is within an arms reach. My father is not "stuck" on this earth. He has simply transitioned to another place, a place of peace, comfort and stillness. He is okay and that is because he is with God and that has to be amazing.

When I left the workshop yesterday, I had that sense of peace and stillness within me. It is a beautiful thing to feel connected to those that have gone before us and even more beautiful to experience God in that moment.

Open your minds to what seems impossible b/c it is in those moments that the impossible happens.

"Perhaps they are not stars, bur rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy" Author Unknown

Wait...you are telling me that the Bible says to accept refugees and Immigrants? Impossible...

“When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God." Leviticus 19: 33-34

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me," Matthew 25:35

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares" Hebrews 13:2

"He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing." Deuteronomy 10:18

"And people will come from east and west, and from north and south, and recline at table in the kingdom of God" Luke 13:29


Paris, Lebanon and Iraq all suffered horrible attacks this week at the hands of Isis. People are scared. People are guarded and people are making harsh and horrific statements about the "blamed" religion of the people that did this. Islam is a beautiful religion that works to promote peace and to care for the poor and the oppressed. The people that committed these horrible attacks claim to be of this faith, but if you knew anything about the faith you would know that they are far from it.

As a society we are quick to make judgments about others. We decide that if you look like, act like or pray like someone that did something wrong then you must be like them. Yet when we are questioned about Christianity and the people that use the name of God to do wrong we quickly say "well that isn't Christianity". In our own state of Kansas we have a lovely Baptist church in Topeka. They stand outside of funerals, weddings, graduations, etc...holding their signs that claim God did all of this because we "allow" homosexuality in our world. I would be mortified to ever be associated with that church simply b/c I am also a Christian. Can you see what I am getting at?

Since the attack in Paris this week 25 Governor's, including our own lovely Sam Brownback, made a commitment to not allow Syrian refugees into their state. All simply because they are Muslim, come from the same country that an attacker may have been from and to be honest have the same color skin as the attackers.

Sam Brownback says he is a Christian. He wants the state to be a "Christian" state. All children to go to Christian schools and for us to follow the teaching of God everywhere we go. I personally believe following the teaching of God is a great idea. I just don't think Sam Brownback and I believe in the same God or read from the same Bible.

Over and over again the Bible says to accept refugees because the people of Israel once fled Egypt for religious asylum, so we must accept others doing the same. This is simply what is happening in Syria. The people fleeing are women, children and men all of different ages and walks of life. Yet they have one thing in common; they are trying to live a peaceful life without threats of being killed, tortured or exiled for what they believe. How is this any different than the Jews fleeing from Egypt?

I often think "why in the world are you going into ministry, it will be so hard". This is a perfect example of why. I refuse to allow the teachings of Jesus to be twisted to fit an agenda that people want. I refuse to allow the grace, love, mercy and acceptance that is taught to go unmentioned. I refuse to allow Christians to get a bad name by those that just so happen to speak a little louder.

Well, here I am and I am NOT quiet. It is time as Christians to stand up for what the Bible teaches us, to not allow others to use the name of God for their own agenda and to accept everyone with open arms and hearts.

As people of God we were once the refugees trying to find our place in a world that did not accept or know us. I pray that Christians today can do the same for all people seeking a place to lay their head, to call home and to worship God in the peaceful way that they do.

I am so incredibly grateful for the life I have been given and I am dedicated to speaking of the Good news of God and the promises made to us by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I just hope others can help spread the hope and light.

Be brave, loud and fight for what is right.

The Land Before Time

Two nights ago I was trying to find something for Henry and I to do. He was getting to that point of pure insanity and I had to come up with something or we were going to be in bad shape! (parents of toddlers all know what I am talking about) He had gotten a lot of movies for his birthday so I got out "The Land Before Time". We curled up in his bed and got out his little DVD player. He was immediately intrigued by the dinosaurs and the adventure they were on. 

As I lay there with my son I started to realize that this movie I had loved so many years ago actually has a lot of really important life lessons that as adults we really need to pay attention to. It talks about grief and loss, friendship, segregation and in the end offers hope. 

When Little Foot loses his mother she tells him that she will always be with him even he can't see her and to let his heart guide him. Grief sucks. It is one of the hardest thing a person can go through in their life. I am beyond grateful for my faith and that I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that my father is always with me and that a love like that can never be broken, not even by death. In the book of Ruth she demonstrates this kind of love to her mother in law, Naomi. She refuses to leave her no matter what happens, even death. 

"Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”

Human connection is something we all long for and being able to experience that connection even beyond death is what true love and the Kingdom of Heaven on earth is. 

The movie also touches on the issue of diversity, inclusion and segregation. When Little Foot meets Cera he just wants to play and is told by their parents "Three horns don't play with long necks". Little Foot doesn't understand and his mother explains that they stick to their own kind. 

We do this to our own children. We teach them that they shouldn't play with kids that aren't like them, that other people are different than us and then we try to argue that racism, discrimination and exclusion does not exist. I believe the best thing we can do for our children is talk about it from the beginning. Yes we are all different on the outside but what is under our skin is the same and that our job as followers of Christ is to look beyond what we see in front of us and to really see the person. I could go on and on about white privilege, the oppression of people of color in our world and how it is our job to break those barriers to divide us. I will probably do that in another blog but my point is simply that we could learn a lot from Little Foot and Cera. They come together, solve problems and in the end build a community together.

The end of the movie offers hope. When they make it to the great valley, Little Foot finds his grandparents and they are all able to live happily, together. Hope comes out of our suffering. If we allow the Holy Spirit to enter our day to day lives we will never truly be alone. The Holy Spirit is there to offer that support and hope that good things do happen, that suffering is a part of life but in the end it will all be okay b/c we believe in the power, love, grace and mercy of God. 

Henry keeps asking to watch the dinosaur movie. I can only hope that as he grows to love it more and more he will see the true messaging in it and not just another dinosaur adventure! 

God Bless this beautiful life and the messages that we now see as adults in the things we loved as children. 

My Baby is 3!

Henry is 3 years old today. 

Where did the time go? I remember the day he was born just like it was yesterday. I was induced on a Friday morning. Paul and I went in the night before so they could soften my cervix. We slept there that night and the next morning they started pitocin. Within 1 hour, my water broke, I was dilated to a 3 and having contractions every 90 seconds and they were AWFUL. I was given an epidural and the rest of the day was bliss :-) haha. But really, everyone I loved was in the room up until delivery. My mom, my dad, my sister and Paul's mom. The anticipation of the birth of Henry was like nothing I had ever experienced. I pushed for over 3 hours and out he came! Poor thing had a huge cone head and adorable. Looking back on his birth brings so many wonderful memories. The day I had Henry my life changed forever. I know what it mean to truly love someone more than yourself, what unconditional selfless love is and how to be a mom. 

The first video is while waiting for Henry to be born. Sitting in the room with Paul, my mom and dad, Polly and Paige. 

This one is right after Henry was born

Looking back on his birth brings so many wonderful memories. The day I had Henry my life changed forever. I know what it mean to truly love someone more than yourself, what unconditional selfless love is and how to be a mom. 

I would give anything to go back to that day, a day when my family was whole and we were all simply happy. I know life has thrown so many different things my direction and I am grateful that every step has brought me closer to not only my family but my true self and God. I trust that experiencing the unconditional love of being a parent shows me what God's love is like for me. That through this love I am able to see a glimpse of the Kingdom of Heaven. And that if this love I have for Henry is like the love my Dad has for me, then I know nothing will ever break that; not even death. 

Henry Paul Haynes changed my life 3 years ago and he continues to every single day. As I sit here writing this he is screaming "beep beep beep" in the next room while at the exact same time playing on his new leap frog pad and with his cars. He is full of life, energy, excitement and such a stinker! He is smart, kind, funny and simply the joy of my life.

God Bless his little soul and all that his life brings to mine.