I am terrified of kindergarten

Henry can't stop talking about how excited he is for kindergarten. He hears his cousin, Will, talk about school and can't wait to go and meet new friends, eat hot lunch, go to recess, all of it.

I am terrified. I am not terrified because my child will be in school all day everyday away from me. Nah, we will be ok. Henry NEEDS school, he needs to be busy all day and school will do him good. I am terrified because of what is happening in our world.

I am terrified that my child will go to school and think it is "normal" to have active shooter drills.

I am terrified that my child will go to school and think that he is going to be killed because it happens.

I am terrified that my child will go to school and come home asking why someone would want to kill him.

THIS IS NOT OK.

THIS IS NOT OK.

THIS IS NOT OK.

My biggest fears SHOULD be
- Will he like his teacher?
-Will he make friends?
-Will he do well?
-Will he be accepted for who he is?

Yet all those fears seems nothing compared to my ultimate fear.

Last week when we saw yet another school shooting it is almost as though something shifted. Something shifted in our country. People are speaking out. Kids are marching out of schools and demanding action from the adults that promise to take care of them. They are demanding that they be taken care of.

I am in awe of the strength and resilience of these children. BUT the TRUTH IS they should NOT be the ones marching and demanding change. IT SHOULD BE ALL OF US. We should NOT be okay with our kids accepting this as normal, we should not be okay with our kids being the ones demanding action.

It is our job to do this. It is our job to change things. I don't know what all I can do but I do know that I can go to this meeting on March 3rd for Moms Demand Gunsense and learn what I can do. I do know that I can talk about this, that I can pray about it and that I can act.

Prayer is great- it is not enough. ACTION and prayer is better.

Jesus preaches on action, activism and actually doing something. He preached on non-violence on putting down your sword, standing up for what you believe in and demanding peace.

If I am going to be a disciple of Christ this is how I need to respond.

Glennon Doyle posted this amazing video on her facebook page- go look it up! She demands action for our children and to call your congressmen to demand this action. It is easy- they give you a script, they give you numbers. Use them! You can find her video on my facebook page.

So here's the thing. I don't want to be terrified of kindergarten. I don't want my son to see my anxiety and fear when he goes to school that first day. I want him to be excited, I want to be excited, I want to feel that he is safe, loved and cared for.

I have not said anything about gun control- I want that to be clear. I am simply saying that we have to have adults leading our country that take into account the children in our schools when passing bills and legislation that could impact their lives or perhaps save them.

Henry will start kindergarten in the fall and I am committed to making it fun, I am committed to making him excited. I am committed to demanding action to make this happen.

God bless you all, God bless the little children

Confession time....

I have a confession to make.

It is one that has been eating me up inside for a really long time.

I hide this obsession from so many people.

My son tells me it is gross and to put it away.

My husband just doesn't get it.

I am ready to confess to the world because it feels like such a heavy burden to be carrying.

Okay...here it goes...deep breath

I am OBSESSED with Dr. Pimple Popper. This is not just a "watch a new video when she post it on her youtube" type of obsession. No, it's watch it constantly. When I am drinking my coffee in the morning, I am watching a cyst come out. When I rocking my daughter to sleep we watch blackheads being popped together and when I lay in bed at night I tend to watch dilated pore of winers or something to that nature.

The obsession started when I was nursing Tannie. I needed something that didn't require noise to watch while I was up for hours at night with her. Then I found her. I found Dr. Sandra Lee, Dr. Pimple Popper.

She has a whole youtube channel, a show now on TLC and is often on the show "The Doctors"

I don't know what it is about it but something incredibly satisfying happens within me when the cyst, blackhead or whatever is off. Now of course I tend to fast forward through the stitches because that's just gross. But the rest of it. Oh the rest of it.

I can remember my dad had a cyst on his back for most of my life. One day he came home from the Dr. and told me that he had it removed and the contents shot across the room. I was jealous. Seriously jealous that I didn't get to see it. As a teen, I was lucky and didn't have acne, but my sister did and so did my cousin. And they would let me pop their pimples- I am sorry for outing the both of you but it was so much fun. I secretly hope that my kids will have it so I can help them- I now know the ways to express blackheads without leaving a scar. How awful is that? I hope my kids have acne so I can pop it.

I felt as though I needed to get this off my chest and maybe share it with the world. Maybe some of you have the same obsession and didn't know Dr. Pimple Popper existed or maybe you too were hiding your love for it and now you can be free to be you.

So I am going to share a video. One that some of you may find really hard to watch but it has over 15 million views. I believe I am responsible for 7.5 million of those. As my sister said "It is strangely satisfying"

That really is all I have to say for now, nothing about grief and death, nothing about my faith, simply me confessing to the world that I LOVE WATCHING PIMPLES BEING POPPED :-)

Enjoy! If the video doesn't work just click on this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lVSblzukr0&index=17&list=PLJZ_ok3xiAi9dQ2J8RsfN6z_Dlu2c1evO&has_verified=1

Whoa Up, Sister

I have to first admit that I am borrowing this phrase from Jen Hatmaker. She is an amazing author and her latest book is really speaking to me. I highly recommend reading "Of Mess and Moxie". It will make you laugh and cry all in the same chapter.

Winter is a hard time of year for so many of us. Not only is it cold- I have to tell my son everyday if it is "dangerous" cold or just "regular" cold- but the days are short and the months are long. It is a time of year where people spend most of their time secluded in their homes and don't venture out unless they have to. It is also a time of year of sorrow for so many people. It is strange how much death occurs in the winter months but also not really. Christmas is over. People have spent time with their families and if they are ready to go or they are fighting some kind of disease it seems like the right time.

Last winter I made a promise to live in joy and not sorrow or fear. Of course a few days later my Grandpa died and then exactly 4 weeks after that we lost my Grandma. And over those 4 weeks was the time that my dad had passed 3 years before. Yet, I think making the promise to myself to live in joy was the best decision I had made. Because I was able to get through all of that with grace and dignity. I was okay.

This winter, I didn't start out with the same or similar intention. In fact, I have spent the last month or so living in fear, dread and sorrow. I have felt the impact of grief harder this year than most and the continuous worry of my own family weighs on me daily. I mean how many times can they tell us that basically we are all going to get the flu and there is a chance we may die. DON'T TURN ON THE NEWS OR RADIO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS.

So then I started reading this book. By the introduction I was hooked. I knew I couldn't put it down. And then she got to the part about fear. She went on about all the bad things that were going on in her life and how she just lived in constant fear of what the next bad thing would be and THEN all of a sudden she realized that God didn't make us to be fearful and that FEAR IS A LIAR. Say that over and over again "FEAR IS A LIAR, FEAR IS A LIAR". It really helps.

She ends this page with the phrase "Whoa up, sister. These thoughts and ideas cannot be trusted"

So that is my plan. I will NOT LIVE IN FEAR. FEAR IS A LIAR. God did not give me the spirit of fear. God gave me the spirit of hope, grace, mercy, joy, love. God gave me all the tools I need to live a life of abundance and to not let fear rule me.

So whoa up, whoa up, whoa up. That is what I will continue to say to myself every time fear starts to creep it's ugly face in.

We are braver than fear, we are stronger than fear and we are made to live our lives full as beloved children of God.

So Whoa Up. You all got this. We all got this because the crazy thing is- we all have God on our side. Walking with us through this crazy, beautiful, messy life.

Blessings to you all during this Whoa up season.