Thursday, September 20, 2018

Just go smell the peanut butter

For years my Nani and Nana would tell me that once you can't smell peanut butter it is a sign of "losing your mind". I would often watch them smell the peanut butter and give each other a high five because they could smell it. I once asked my Nani if she would ever tell anyone that she couldn't and she replied "I'm not stupid"

Yesterday, I attended a district meeting and asked for prayer for my Nana. After, I was approached by a few people to see what is going on and told that he left a legacy in the Kansas East Conference.

I had to call my grandparents and tell them this. I was so honored for the kind words but as soon as my Nani answered I could tell in her voice that something was off. She had to go to another room to talk and told me that Nana doesn't know who she is and that this is the first time this has happened. She said that he kept telling her that she isn't his wife because his wife, Pinky, has red hair and her hair is red.

Where does our mind go? I often wondered that as I watched my dad's mother wither away due to alzheimer where she went. Was she stuck in there? Watching her life, knowing who she is and but can't articulate it?

OR

Perhaps, was she simply stuck in the middle, in the between of eternity trying to find a way to let go of her human life so that she could go be with God.

I like to believe that is where their mind is. That they have reverted to a childlike persona only to be connected to God in a way that we all don't remember.

Jesus called the children, the prophets said that a little child will lead them.

Maybe just maybe when our minds go we are able to go to a deeper place of spirituality. Maybe we are able to truly understand what God and Jesus meant when they tell us that a little child will lead us. While children make sense and the innocence of children, people that suffer from alzheimers or some form of dimensia also become childlike.

I do not know what the future is going to bring for our family. I know that my grandfather likely doesn't have long- months, weeks, whatever it may be.

Yet I also know that he is already with God in many ways.

His faith is something I strive for and I know that he has experienced a level of spirituality that many of us work our whole lives working toward.

My grandfather, my Nana, will someday leave a legacy in the United Methodist Church. He will leave paths for many to walk down and words for us to remember- he has helped to shape me into the Pastor I am and I continue to learn from him in our talks and from his writing.

I know that he struggles with what is happening. I know he feels useless but I also know that God is with him, God is holding him and God is using him as a vessel to guide others that are in ministry to find their true wholeness with God.

I can smell the peanut butter and maybe it isn't real, maybe it is, but I can guarantee you that I will always make sure I can smell the peanut butter and never ever will tell anyone if I can't.

God's many blessings to you all

Remember that you are loved, you are enough and you are worthy

-Pastor Ali


Monday, September 3, 2018

Some birthdays are just different than others

I turned 33 last week. I was really looking forward to my birthday. It has been such a year of change and transition for myself and our family that it felt good to celebrate all that we have done and accomplished in one year.

Henry turned 5
Tannie turned 2
I transitioned from a part time Associate Pastor to a full time Senior Pastor
Henry started kindergarten
Tannie started kids day out
And Paul...well he was a long for the ride and I am sure he had great accomplishments in there :-)

It has just been a year. Most years, I choose to celebrate with friends for my birthday. No kids, typically adult activities and just let loose to celebrate another year. But this year, I wanted to celebrate with our family so we decided to go to Main Event and bowl, play arcade games and eat food that is just not good for you.

So off we went. My family, my mom, my sister and her family, my sister in law and my cousin.

The evening started off great. The adults and "big" kids (Ben and Henry) were bowling while Tannie ate her dinner and played on my phone.

Then dinner was over and Tannie lost interest in her phone and it happened.

It happened faster than we could blink....

Tannie looked at myself, looked at Paul and began running.

First she ran around the booth and where the bowling balls are and then she took her chance and off she went...

Down the lane

And we took off after her

Paul and I both running down after her and of course we both fall because it's a BOWLING ALLEY and all I could think is my daughter is going to make it to the end, knock down all the pins and get crushed by the big giant thing that will come down and take her off wherever it takes the pins...

And then she fell and all I could hear was Paul yelling "grab her leg"

Somewhere between the running, the falling and laughing/almost crying we got her. She only made it halfway and at that point we decided bowling as not the best idea.

I calmed down, Tannie quit crying and began laughing.

I laughed about it a lot the next day. Honestly, it was hilarious.

She's two, what did we expect her to do? She saw her chance and took it. Just like anyone would, when we have our chance to do something great why wouldn't we just go for it?

My birthday was perfect. While it was chaotic and filled with kids everywhere, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Oh and Paul did surprise me with a family pizza party the day before my birthday and a new watch so he wins points for that.

Cheers to the years when we lean into the season in our life we are in and we embrace the love of our family and God in all of our hearts.

God bless you all and may your birthdays be filled with joy, laughter and maybe something just a little different this year.

-Pastor Ali