"A Multitude of Heavenly Hosts Praising..."

I love the Christmas story. Not the movie, the birth of Jesus and read from the Gospel of Luke. It is a beautiful story that shows the struggles of Mary and Joseph and how they wrestled with what they were being asked to do. And then the "yes" that They gave to God. The "yes" that they gave to birth and raise the child of God. I then love the story of the angels appearing to the shepherds. The lowest of the lows. They worked with the dirty sheep and lived with them. Yet God chose to send the angels to THEM as the first visitors of the new born Christ. I love the story of the Magi coming (which doesn't actually happen for a few years). I love hearing of them going against Herod and fleeing so they don't have to tell Herod where the Christ child is. I just LOVE this story.

I was really excited for this Christmas to be an actual Pastor and getting to help lead worship at 3 different services. I was going to get to read the Christmas story 2 different times- the little girl inside of me was so excited. When I was 10 I was Gladys in "The Best Christmas Story Ever" and I got to yell to the audience "A CHILD IS BORN IN BETHLEHEM" and this year, I would get to do the same thing. I would get to shout those words (or say them very enthusiastically) and I would get to sing with a multitude of heavenly hosts that Jesus Christ our Lord was born.

Wednesday night, I started coughing. I typically chalk all that up to my allergies. By Thursday it just seemed to be a bit worse and when I opened my mouth to talk nothing came out. Literally nothing. Panic started to set in. I had just gotten over the horrible stomach flu and now this? Right before Christmas? Two days before I was supposed to help with the first of 3 services?

By Friday I knew that my voice may not come back. So I went to the doctor. I had laryngitis and an ear infection. Who gets an ear infection at 32 years old? Luckily, I was able to get on antibiotics because of the infection.

So Saturday came. I was ready to read the Christmas Story. Yet as I practiced I became even more nervous. It wasn't going to sound good and I would not be shouting the Good News of the birth of Jesus Christ.

I sent my boss a text just to warn her for the next day and then most amazing gift was given to me. A gift I wasn't asking for and a gift I didn't know I needed. Nanette told me to stay home. She was already at the church and would help. At first I was sad but then I realized that in order to be able to help tomorrow at the services I had to rest my voice that night.

It is amazing how your body can show you when you need to rest. That you need to take care of yourself in order to care for others. I am so grateful for Nanette and that gift she gave me. The gift to rest.

During this time of rest I did a lot of thinking about the beloved Christmas story. The struggles of Mary and Joseph, the fright of the shepherds (wouldn't you run away if something came out of the sky and started talking to you? Even if they said do not be afraid?) and the bravery of the Magi that journey to meet the Christ King and the risk they took in doing so. Christmas is about reflection. It is about having a time to sit back, rest, reflect and realize what Christmas is about. To realize that the Christmas story is much more than a story about a baby being born. It is about the vulnerability in each of us when we say yes to God. It is about the fear that comes with being uncertain of what is going to happen in your life and the bravery of finding God in your hearts and in the hearts of others.

Christmas is about transformation. It is about finding the light and love in each of us. It is about being brave enough to invite Christ into our lives and to not be afraid of what could happen when you allow the love of God into your life.

I got to share the Christmas story on Christmas Eve. My voice was a bit husky and didn't exactly sound the way I wanted but maybe the quiet of my voice and the humility of me accepting that I was not healthy is what brought me closer to God this Christmas.

God bless everyone. Open your hearts to what Christmas can bring. It is pretty amazing once you do.

"Mom, can we keep playing..." BARF

Sunday was a normal night at our house. Tannie went to bed and Paul, Henry and I went downstairs to play Mario on the Wii. We are actually quite good and competitive. It has been our part of our nightly routine for at least a year and we love it.

As normal, when we tell Henry it is time to go to bed he argues with us and usually we give in and play at least one more level. Then we tell him it is time to go to bed again and he argues, which ends in an argument to his bed. And for some reason we still do this every night.

Just as we were about to have our final argument on Sunday Henry said "mom, can we keep playing.." and then it happened. He barfed everywhere. On me, on the couch, on the chair he was sitting on, on the floor, on his toy trains. He barfed and then just stood there in shock.

We have never had "barfy" children. In fact, Henry has never just thrown up since he was a baby. So this was new to all of us. His sickness continued through the night and into the next day and my body decided to join him around 10pm. Luckily we only were sick for about 15 hours and today both seem to be doing fine.

In the midst of all the barf, crying and grossness I started thinking about Christmas and how happy I was that this was hitting us right now and not in a few days.

Then I realized how incredibly lucky we are. How incredibly lucky we are that barf is our biggest worry this holiday season.

At Grace, Nanette has been doing a sermon series on the wonder of Christmas. And how to find the wonder among all the pain and sorrow in the world.

Here is what I have realized. The wonder is there. It is there. It is there even in the darkest night, it is there even in the deepest of hurts and sorrows and it is there even when we feel as though we can't get out of bed and keep going.

God saw our broken world and came to us in the form of a baby. A sweet baby boy that would change our world- that would save us all. This baby took away the darkness, fought for those that were oppressed, offered hope and light to all those suffering and simply loved all of God's people.

There is magic and wonder in Christmas. Even when we feel as though it is impossible to find. Is is there. Even if you don't believe in God, even if you don't believe in the story. the beauty and the wonder of a season of giving and loving others is there. And even if you don't believe, that is God. That is God coming to our world to show us that even when things seem impossible they are possible.

At one point on Sunday night I told Henry how brave he was. He looked at me with the saddest eyes and said "no, mom. no I am not". My heart broke. But later the next day he looked at me and said "wow mom, I was brave. I feel so much better"

The wonder in him. The wonder in all of God's children is what Christmas is about. Find your wonder this Christmas. Find a way to spread the light and love of God to those that need it the most and find a way to simply be present with those you love.

Merry Christmas to you all.

We are better than this

As I was driving in to work today listening to NPR, I kept hearing about the election in Alabama. I wanted to scream at the radio and the world that we shouldn't be surprised by this. We shouldn't be surprised that powerful men in powerful positions are being accused of sexual harassment and assault. We shouldn't be surprised that our country cares more about party lines than survivors. We shouldn't be surprised yet we still are. And later tonight and tomorrow morning when Roy Moore likely wins the Alabama Senate seat we will again act surprised.

We live in a country where our very own President has been accused of sexual harassment and assault by many women. Where high power Congressmen, Judges and News Anchors have been accused of similar acts and only some of them have either stepped down from their role or been asked to.

We live in a country where we focus more on party lines then the lives of the people that live in it.

In our very own city, for many years, the judge that presided over Kansas City domestic violence court was convicted of domestic violence just a few years ago. For years I couldn't understand why he would let abusers off so easily and then it made sense.

We have made this okay. We have made it okay to treat women as "less than". To allow powerful men to still remain in power even after they have taken advantage of a young vulnerable woman or child. And why do we do this? We do this because we live in fear of what would happen if we didn't. What would happen if we had help President Trump accountable for his actions? What would happen if we stood up to the bullies and people we fear?

What is strange, is that our whole world could change. Our way of viewing men and women. Our way of speaking to our kids about right and wrong. As women, our fear of walking alone in a parking lot, our fear of being targeted by someone that is going to stalk or abuse us and our fear of being raped could possibly be less. 

What if. What if we lived in a world that actually held abusers accountable. What if we lived in a world that actually demanded, not suggested, that men in powerful positions be TERMINATED for sexually harassing or abusing a woman. 

We would have a world that felt safer. We would have a world that actually lives out the Gospel of Jesus Christ. A world of love. A world that stands up to our oppressors and a world that is committed to changing the way in which we value a woman's worth.

I am not surprised by the amount of men being accused of sexual harassment and assault. I am not surprised because it happens every day in the work place. Maybe you don't even notice it. We say such things as "boys will be boys" or we laugh off something that makes us uncomfortable because that person has more power than us. 

That is not the world I want either of my children to grow up in and it is not the world that I want to live in.

I may not be able to change much but what I can do is preach the Gospel of Jesus. To agree with this picture that Jesus would not vote for the child molester, instead he would want him held accountable and then address the reasons why he is this way. Offer that person a different way of living and possibly help to change the way in which we raise our men to think this is okay. 

Jesus came into this world to offer hope and light to all of God's people. By allowing someone to hold an office of power that has been accused of such horrible acts goes against everything Jesus stood for. It allows the others to win and we are better than that. At least I have to believe we are. 

Dear Sky

I have often wondered what I would say to you if I wrote you a letter. Where would I start? What would I say? How much do you already know and what don't you know? So here is my best attempt.


Dear Sky-

It's been 10 years. 10 years since I saw you. Well over 10. The last time I saw you was Thanksgiving 2007. You got to meet Paul. We have been married for 8 years. We have two children. Henry is just like you and Evan, believes he is a ninja and a power ranger. Tannie is 1. She is just like me. Vivacious, independent and runs the house. But you probably know all of that. You probably know that they are healthy, beautiful and full of life.

You probably know all of this because you are right here with us. You are in the midst of us everyday. I can see you dancing in the fields from time to time or when my son is running around like a crazy person, convinced that he is going to kill all the bad guys. I can see you in your parents. In their tears, their laughs and their lives. I can see you in our family. You never really left us, just went away for awhile. At least that is how I am able to see you.

How is my dad? I'd imagine he is good. That you two spend a lot of time together, laughing at all of us and our nonsense. What about all of this planning for Christmas? Is my dad telling you it is ridiculous? Are you laughing? Are you like your dad? Telling my dad that we all just need to listen to Becky and Vicky because they will tell us what to do? :-)  Is he giving you guidance and love? I can't imagine that he wouldn't. He really loves you. Just like your own daddy. Sometimes I am envious that you get him for eternity but I guess I know that I will be there someday with you all.

Do you talk to Nana? How is he really doing? I wish we could get some real answers. I wish that we really knew what was going on. I think we all know but don't want to admit it. I worry for him, but I also just wish him peace and stillness. What a reunion that will be someday, you were always his favorite, that was obvious to us all.

Nani is sad. She is struggling. Can you come to her? Tell her it's all going to be ok? Tell her that you love her and are taking care of her and Nana? Maybe that will give her some peace. She needs that. She doesn't know what to do or how to help. She is always saying "well we're just old". You know Nani, she has never been down about life. Talk to her. Hold her and let her know life is okay.

Evan got married. I wonder if you sent him Carly. You probably did. I can imagine you had something to do with that. She saved him, ya know. Made him an amazing man, something to strive for. He is a good person, a loving husband, great uncle, great son, great brother. I hope that was you and my dad, helping to form him into this person, never leaving his side.

It's been 10 years. I miss you. Your parents miss you. Your sister misses you. We all miss you. It's strange how one event can change the course of people's lives forever. Your death changed so much for all of us.

I have had my ups and downs since we lost you and my dad but I am able to say today that I know you guys are right here with me. That you are with God. That you are happy. That you are full. That you are loved. That you are never alone and you never leave us. I know you are simply a veil away. That heaven is simply right on the other side of this crazy world we live in.

I miss you dear cousin, I hope you find peace this Christmas. Find joy, hope and happiness. Tell my dad hi. Tell my grandparents hi.

God Bless your sweet soul and the love you have always given all of us

Ali

Oh and this whole Trump is President thing- ya, if you could help that to change in 2020 that would be great. Thanks- love the whole world.