No, Not MY Daughter!

In public and at school we all have the "perfect" children. We strive to make sure they have the perfect clothes, the perfect lunch and that we are the perfect parents. When our children throw a fit in the middle of Target we give them our phone or just buy the toy they want to avoid the looks from others. When our child is acting like a child during an important moment, we threaten to take away their new favorite toy or ELSE.

When in reality none of us have the perfect children. None of us have it all together and we do all these things for what?

We do them for ourselves because we live in a world where we are terrified of what people think about us, that people will judge us and that we will never be good enough.

Well, as my dear friend Tiffany Baker has often put it, the jig is up and when we all just accept that we are all human and we are all imperfect, the world would become a lot more perfect.

Yet, not everyone has had the luck of being in a mom's group with Tiffany leading that is so incredibly important it allows you to actually let go of these things and just go with the phrase "the kids are alright".

My kids do not have the perfect clothes. Most days, Henry wears pants that have holes in them. I can't keep up with how rough he is on his clothes, so if they rip he wears them. I don't fix them- no one actually has time for that.

Their lunches consist of whatever I can find to throw in their lunch box and when Tannie now has a tantrum in the middle of Target I just stare at her and say things like "wow, who's kid is that?" Or you know, I just give her my phone.

This week, Tannie had two not so awesome reports. Now, let's be honest, she is 2 and in kids day out. Having a bad report in kids day out will not set her up for failure and she will still likely get into a good college but there is still something about the look on the teachers face and the words "Do you have a second?" You suddenly become a little child and feel as though you are in serious trouble. "Sure", I said.

Well, it turns out for the past two days Tannie has hit and pushed her classmates and had to sit out a total of 5 times. My first reaction was honest.. "Oh ok. Well, hmm..." I didn't know what to say. My daughter? That adorable one that is currently screaming me for more peanut butter as I write this hit others? Of course not...

I had been waiting for this statement for the whole school year. Let's be real. Tannie is Tannie. She is smart, she is spunky and she doesn't let anyone stand in her way. Her teacher expressed that it is often when others are in her space or looking at her and she wants to be left alone.

The mama in me gave myself a high five. At 2 years old, my daughter knows her boundaries and how to tell people to leave her alone. But, I guess doing that by hitting that isn't okay in kids day out....


Our kids are not perfect but they are perfectly imperfect and when we let go of the "perfection" we all buy into as parents and just embrace the reality that 2 year olds hit, 6 year olds rip their pants and that life is just messy, we teach our kids a lot more value and worth than we know. We really teach them about being themselves, we teach them that their voice matters and we teach them that material things are not what life is about.

Don't get me wrong. My kids get the phone and there are times they get the "talk" before we go places but as I learn more about being a mom and myself, I am realizing that their imperfections are the perfect things about them.

Always know you are enough, you are worthy and you are beloved.

Pastor Ali

There is New Life- happy birthday

If you have ever lost someone, there are phrases that are the worst to hear. Ones that make your skin crawl, that make you want to jump up and down and scream that they are wrong, that make you cry and cry and anger you even further. If you are wondering if you are at fault for saying some of these...well, the answer is yes.

We all are.

We have all said the wrong thing when to someone we care about when someone dies.

"Oh it's for the best" Really? The best? Death?

"Well, at least they aren't suffering any longer" Umm..excuse me, they actually weren't suffering before

"It was their time" their time for what?

"Oh now they are in a better place"

That last one. That one is the one that used to make me so angry. ME. A PASTOR! After my dad died, I didn't care to hear that he was in a better place.

Absolutely not, because he wasn't supposed to be there yet. He died out of the natural order. Both of his parents were still living. He was only 56.

The list goes on and on. All the reasons that he shouldn't be in that better place.

As time has gone one, 5 years, I still wonder about that statement. Yes, I know he is in a better place but why can't he still be here and then go there in awhile?

I will never know the answer to that question, all I can do is have faith that he is there, that he is loving life and that he is living his new life to it's fullest potential because he is now sitting with God at the long table that Jesus went to prepare for us. The table with his parents, his friends, his family that are all there.

New life, new births, birthdays.

There are signs of new life all around us on a daily basis. For me, it is the green poking it's head through the dirt in my garden. My cousin, Brittany's beautiful baby. My children growing into little people.

They are all signs of hope, hope that there is new life after death, that there is something better out there and that there is something bigger than us all. Without them, without the hope of the "new" we would lose hope in the God that loves us, saves us and reminds us of this new life every single day.

As time goes on, the pain of losing someone starts to soften. It becomes more of who you are and not what you went through.

We all wear our pain and our brokenness in the way that we live our lives and it is what makes us beautiful. It makes us real, it makes us human.

As the season of Lent goes on, we are leaning into what that pain is and how to continue living with it vs living as though it never happened or that it was "the way things were meant to be".

God calls us to live a life of abundance, even through our pain, even through our brokenness and even through the loss of the ones you love the most.

We are invited this Lent to embrace this invitation and surrender to God- surrender it all and envision a life where our pain makes us beautiful and we look at ourselves every single day and know we are enough, we are worthy and we are beloved.

Happy birthday, Dad. I hope it's a great one.

Tell everyone hi- I hope you ARE living your best life in that better place.

-Pastor Ali

My Happy Place

As a child, we went every spring break to Lawrence where my mom's sister and her family lived. I grew up in Wichita, until I was 14, so going to Lawrence was always a big deal. My best friend was there, my cousin Brittany and my brother had his best friend, our cousin Skyler.

For a whole week we got to be with our cousins, doing whatever we wanted and I would imagine driving our mothers' crazy. As an adult and mother, I think they must have been crazy to be in a house with all the kids for a whole week. But I have come to realize that if you are in your happy place it really doesn't matter. My mom's happy place was with her sister and for us kids it was being with our cousins.

My sister, Paige, always went 20 miles down the road to our Nani and Nana's house. She got to the point where she was too "cool" to hang out with Brittany and I, she probably still is, and would go spend the week with our grandparents. During her time there she and our Nani would go flower shopping and spend hours planting flowers and learning about them. I never had any interest but as an adult something shifted.

Henry is on his fist real spring break. I was determined to make this week great for him, the one I remembered from my childhood. He has had sleepovers, been to his cousins and had a great week so far.

My happy place has changed over the years, no offense Becky and Britt, but I have taken on the love of going to my Nani's house, talking to her on the phone and calling her one of my best friends. Although I got sick this week with an awful cough, we still ventured down to my Nani's and I got to spend time in my happy place, which turns out to be a place of safety and joy for my children as well.

My Nani, being almost 81, goes at the speed of a 30 year old. Really, she has more energy than I do and when you go to Nani's you do not just sit around and do things. Oh no, there is a list of things to do and they will all be accomplished within the time you are there.

We ventured to many places yet the best one and the one that I know my Nani loved the most was getting our pansies. As a child, I never cared about flowers, that was Paige. Paige was the one that shared that love but it has shifted over the years and I am obsessed. My Nani and I began talking in Feb. about when we could go get them and we finally did. And we didn't stop there, we planted pansies, made fairy gardens and just spent time together talking and being present.


My happy place is with my family and when I get a chance to relax, spend time with my family and include gardening, there isn't much (even the tantrums of a 2 year old) that can bring me down. I now understand why my mom and her sister didn't care that us kids were running around like crazy for a whole week, they had each other and they treasured that time together through every meltdown, tantrum and fight us kids had, they were in their happy place.

I hope you all can find your happy place this lent. Find the place that makes you feel the closest to God and spend time there. Because when we do that, we are truly able to lean into our belovedness and live the life of abundance God wants for each of us.

Many blessings to you as spring starts to come- Know you are enough, you are worthy and you are beloved.

-Pastor Ali

Leaving a Legacy

Lent is upon us. It is a time of year to reflect on our lives and to look with God toward the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

As Jesus is approaching the 40 days before his death, he is ministering to those in his midst, he is showing his true divinity to his disciples and he is preparing to leave a legacy of hope, grace and resurrection for all of God's people.

What is our legacy? What will you leave in this world for your children? Do you think about that often?

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to put into words how I feel about the decision made at the United Methodist General Conference and what legacy this will leave for our children and future generations.

The church is at a stand still. When I am asked what do we do or what is next, I simply say "I don't know". And that is the truth, I don't know but here is what I do know

The UMC was founded on grace, love, mercy and acceptance of all people. John Wesley fought for the rights of those that didn't have a voice and wanted the church to be a place where all people felt welcomed and a church with open minds, open hearts and open doors.

The clergy are not the only ones tasked with the legacy of the church. All of us, every single member, child and clergy have to work together to be the church that God wants us to be. To leave a legacy for our children that they are proud of and not one of hate, exclusion and punishment.

My children love our church. They feel welcomed there, they are loved there and they run around that place knowing it is theirs and that the people inside of it will help to raise them to be followers of Christ with open hearts, open minds and open doors.

I want that to be the legacy we leave. The legacy of love. Love can be hard when we don't understand the other side. Love can be hard when we have been hurt by the other person but love is possible when we have the love of Christ in our hearts allowing us to see the true humanity in all of God's people.

I choose to leave a legacy of love, inclusion and hope for my kids. My hope and prayer this lenten season is that the church and all people in the church are able to look within themselves, to have true self-reflection and to surrender all their fears to God.

When we give it God, when we allow God to hold us and guide us there really is nothing we can't do and I strongly believe that. Trust that God is a loving God, a God of inclusion and a God of resurrection so that we can go out and be that to the world.

Do all this knowing you are enough, you are worthy and you are beloved.

-Pastor Ali