My baby is 1

It happened. My baby turned 1. My sweet Tannie Victoria is officially one year old.

I sit here writing this aware of how lucky I am. I am lucky to have two healthy children. I am beyond lucky that I didn't have trouble conceiving, that I had easy pregnancies and birth stories. My life is full because of my babies and has truly opened my eyes to what true love is. I honestly feel that this is the closest I will ever understand how God loves me. God formed us in God's image as God's children, much like a parent, and that realization after becoming a parent changed me for the better.

Tannie came into the world early. She was born at 37.5 weeks and has been the light of our family ever since.

I can remember being terrified to bring her home. How would Henry respond? How would the dogs respond? And how would I, someone that had been struggling the last few years since the death of my father, respond to having not one but two children.

It is amazing how the grace of God works. God heard me. God heard me crying in the night when I wasn't sure how to console a baby, crying when I wasn't sure how to make Henry know I loved him equally and when I felt inadequate as a mom.

We made it one year. We made it!

When my nephew, Ben, was born our family was hurting. It was 4 months after the loss of my dad and Ben brought so much light and hope to our family. I call him my "hope" baby. He brought us all out of dark and Tannie did that for me in a way I didn't know I needed.

When I got pregnant with her I didn't realize how much I was hurting. I was in a job that was overwhelming, I was still learning how to deal with my grief and I was also working at the church. At that time the church was the only place that brought me peace. I never thought I would be able to give my whole self to that job but that is a completely different blog post.

Shortly after Tannie was born and I had left my position at Rose Brooks, Paul looked at me and said "I think you are healed. Not in the sense that you are over your grief but something about you is different. You seem lighter, you seem happier, you are Ali again".

I will never forget that. My baby girl allowed me to realize what is important in life, to realize that I needed to take a step back and focus on my family and God.

I can never thank her enough for this. She may never know what she did for me but I will always be grateful for her.

God bless that beautiful baby and that joy that babies bring to so many lives everyday.