Too Fast

Yesterday I had the honor of visiting someone in hospice. His family was there and they were all filled with so much love. This man has been battling the same kind of cancer my grandfather likely has. Our family found out earlier this week that my Nana very likely has bladder cancer.

As I walked into this room yesterday I knew what to expect. I knew that there was a man dying in the room, I knew that there was a grieving wife, children and possibly friends. I have had the priviledge of visiting people at the end of their life now on several occasions and every time I feel such pride to be doing the work that I do. Not everyone gets to pray with someone before they pass and not everyone has the gift to do so.

Turns out I have this gift. The gift of caring for others comes naturally to me. I learned I had this gift in my past career at Rose Brooks. Caring for the women and children just became second nature to me and something I didn't understand how people could not do it.

Yesterday though, yesterday something happened. I learned that this man has the same type of cancer my grandfather has and he was surrounded by a loving, emotional family. It was as though I was peering into what our future could be holding, whenever that may be. That hit me first. I have some more reflection to do on that piece and why I was put in that situation but that is for another blog.

As I talked with this family I could see the love. I could see the devotion and I could see their pain and sadness over what was happening.

Before I left, I asked if I could pray. I grabbed this man's hand and as I did he squeezed tight. He hadn't been responsive in a few hours so this meant something. He knew I was there. He knew God was using me as a vessel to offer him prayer, hope and peace. I prayed a very typical prayer for someone facing death. When I opened my eyes so did he. He hadn't opened his eyes in awhile so this alone was beautiful but then he said two words that I believe will stick with me forever "too fast"

He closed his eyes and continued to lay there. His family all laughed believing that he was saying my prayer was too fast but I think maybe just maybe he was telling me that this life, all of this has gone too fast.

Too fast. My grandmother has told me this many times. That life just goes too fast, to live every moment to it's fullest and to always eat dessert first.

We live in a world where being fast paced, running from one thing to the next and constantly being glued to some kind of technology is expected. It is strange to hear of someone sitting down in silence to read a book, or to simply sit in the quiet because they want to. To me that all sounds boring. Why would I sit in silence when I could be doing dishes or binge watching tv?

Too fast. Life goes too fast. Our wold moves too fast. This is all happening too fast.

Just last week my grandfather had a cat scan. The VERY next day he was scheduled to meet with an urologist. The VERY next business day he was to have it removed. It all felt too fast to me. I knew it probably wasn't good news. As they took us into the conference room after surgery I just knew. The Dr has to send everything to pathology so he doesn't really know what it is BUT he did say that it is likely bladder cancer.

Too fast. It all happened so fast. Life can change in a moment. Our world can change in a moment.

Earlier this week 600 plus lives were changed when a gunman shot over 600 people. 50+ died leaving the rest wounded. It all happened so fast. Too fast. Enjoying a concert one minute and the next running for your life praying that you aren't one of the people hit.

Our world is hurting from this act of violence. Our world is hurting from the natural disasters that are occurring at rapid speed. Our world is hurting from cancer. Our world is hurting from mental illness and our world is hurting because we simply move too fast and don't slow down to see one another. To love one another and to simply be with one another.

I don't know what the next few weeks, months or maybe years hold for my family but I do know that I am making a promise to not move so fast. To be present with my kids, my family and my grandparents. To put my phone down. To pay attention when someone is hurting and to simply be.

I also don't know what will happen in our world next. Something will. Natural disaster, mass shooting, whatever it may be. Something will happen. I don't know what I will do when it does but I do know I will do something. I will care for those around me. I will care for those that are hurt. I will care for those that are not being cared for or being seen. I will open my eyes more to the people that are hurt and crying out within our own community. To offer hope, guidance and grace to them. I will do this within my own ability. I won't do this because I think "I have to". I will do this because this is what we are called to do as disciples as Christ. To love one another. To embrace each others differences and to simply be present with each other. My life doesn't offer as much opportunity for this as it used to but I am going to start to open my eyes, listen to those around me and perhaps slow down a bit so I can offer light and hope to those in my midst. Putting my prayers for others into action is my goal in whatever form that may be.

Too fast. It all happens too fast.

We have one life and one try to get this right. Let's not wait until the end and say "too fast"