He started singing this song the other day and at first I was like "umm so my dad left us all and went to Hawaii and that is where he has been all this time" And Henry said "Mom, Heaven is in Hawaii"
5 year old kids are so intuitive. Henry knows that this season of the year is hard for me. He knows that over the next few weeks I will remember the loss of my dad and both of my dad's parents. They all died within a 4 week period. And here he is, singing a song to me all about my dad and how he is in heaven in Hawaii. :-)
Last year, without knowing what the winter would bring, I wrote a blog that I refused to live in fear since it was winter. That I wasn't going to allow my own grief to control my life and that whatever happened that winter I would embrace it. Within 5 weeks of that blog both of my dad's parents passed away.
To be honest, coming to this conclusion is what probably got me through their deaths. It wasn't that it was unexpected but 4 weeks apart, to the day, was. It wasn't that they were young and still had a lot of life in front of them- no they were over 80, almost 90 and had lived long full lives. But the pain of losing both of your grandparents within a month was hard.
However, I had already committed to not allowing my own grief control me that winter, so I didn't. I embraced it. I embraced their deaths and allowed myself to lean into the pain of it, to lean into the pain of my own grief coming up and to lean into the pain that life and death are really just a part of our time on earth and when it is all said and done we move on to the next phase.
God has given me the strength that I need to also embrace this winter. To embrace whatever is to come. To know that I have the strength to get through whatever life throws at me this winter.
Life is hard and messy and filled with pain. But it is also incredibly beautiful if you just stop and live in the moment of the life you are living.
My doctor recently told me that as she continues in her practice year after year, she has come to realize that birth and death are the two most beautiful experiences she gets to have. To be able to hand someone their new baby is incredibly beautiful and to be able to sit with a patient at the end of their life brings a great deal of peace and beauty to her life. She told me that she didn't expect this when she first started in family practice but she is surprised how much it has changed her. It was simply beautiful to hear her put it that way.
Birth and death are beautiful. We come from the ground and to the ground we return.
And apparently when we die we just go to Hawaii so that sounds fine to me!
Embrace your life, embrace whatever is coming and know that you are never alone. God is always with you and you are stronger than you think you are.
(oh and yes, I know my daughter is climbing on the table here...it's her new favorite thing)
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