Just go smell the peanut butter

For years my Nani and Nana would tell me that once you can't smell peanut butter it is a sign of "losing your mind". I would often watch them smell the peanut butter and give each other a high five because they could smell it. I once asked my Nani if she would ever tell anyone that she couldn't and she replied "I'm not stupid"

Yesterday, I attended a district meeting and asked for prayer for my Nana. After, I was approached by a few people to see what is going on and told that he left a legacy in the Kansas East Conference.

I had to call my grandparents and tell them this. I was so honored for the kind words but as soon as my Nani answered I could tell in her voice that something was off. She had to go to another room to talk and told me that Nana doesn't know who she is and that this is the first time this has happened. She said that he kept telling her that she isn't his wife because his wife, Pinky, has red hair and her hair is red.

Where does our mind go? I often wondered that as I watched my dad's mother wither away due to alzheimer where she went. Was she stuck in there? Watching her life, knowing who she is and but can't articulate it?

OR

Perhaps, was she simply stuck in the middle, in the between of eternity trying to find a way to let go of her human life so that she could go be with God.

I like to believe that is where their mind is. That they have reverted to a childlike persona only to be connected to God in a way that we all don't remember.

Jesus called the children, the prophets said that a little child will lead them.

Maybe just maybe when our minds go we are able to go to a deeper place of spirituality. Maybe we are able to truly understand what God and Jesus meant when they tell us that a little child will lead us. While children make sense and the innocence of children, people that suffer from alzheimers or some form of dimensia also become childlike.

I do not know what the future is going to bring for our family. I know that my grandfather likely doesn't have long- months, weeks, whatever it may be.

Yet I also know that he is already with God in many ways.

His faith is something I strive for and I know that he has experienced a level of spirituality that many of us work our whole lives working toward.

My grandfather, my Nana, will someday leave a legacy in the United Methodist Church. He will leave paths for many to walk down and words for us to remember- he has helped to shape me into the Pastor I am and I continue to learn from him in our talks and from his writing.

I know that he struggles with what is happening. I know he feels useless but I also know that God is with him, God is holding him and God is using him as a vessel to guide others that are in ministry to find their true wholeness with God.

I can smell the peanut butter and maybe it isn't real, maybe it is, but I can guarantee you that I will always make sure I can smell the peanut butter and never ever will tell anyone if I can't.

God's many blessings to you all

Remember that you are loved, you are enough and you are worthy

-Pastor Ali