Friday, November 8, 2019

You BELONG

Growing up and in my early adult years, I always struggled with feeling as though I didn't quite belong. I wanted people to like me, I wanted to feel included, I wanted the affirmations that I was enough. 

Many of us go through that in our lives. We care what people think about us more than we care about ourselves. We care about making others happy instead of making ourselves happy.

I don't know exactly when I realized this was no way to live but at some point in the past 5 years, since my dad passed and I went into ministry I realized that I had to love myself a little bit more.

By loving myself, I no longer cared and worried about making others happy and ensuring that I "belonged"

In recent months, I have become even more aware of this.

Two months ago, I quit taking anxiety medication that I had taken since my dad passed and it is as though something inside of me woke up

A fire inside of me that was missing for so long and wanted to come out and it certainly has.

I not only have to come to the conclusion that in order for me to truly care for others, I must love myself but also that if people do not care for me or to be around me.... this is hard for me to say... That's OK and I no longer feel a need to let it control my life in ways that it had before

I have felt the most free I have ever felt and I also have felt the most fire inside of me that I have ever felt 

Say something or do something to one of my kids- yeah, I will no longer hold my tongue and watch it happen

Treat me poorly- yep, going to say something

Treat OTHERS poorly for just being them.. you guessed it I am going to say something

This fire inside of me is not one I want to go out. It is one that is giving me the permission I have always struggled to give myself to stand up to people and say that you can't treat people in a certain way. To say something when someone is being flat out rude and to not allow people to talk down to me for being a woman or younger than them and most of all to not make me feel as though I am less of a mom than them... Oh and don't mess with my kids because this mama bear will come out and she is fierce, strong and filled with fire

We all want to feel that connection and that we belong

Most of us will live our lives trying to please others so that we can be in the cool group and most of us will try so hard it will be at the detriment of ourselves and our own happiness.

Perhaps instead of trying to belong, instead of trying to make others happy that aren't trying to do the same for you... 

Perhaps we stop that

We stop and look at ourselves and tell ourselves every single morning "I Belong". 

I belong

I belong to myself

I belong to my own happiness

I belong to my own worth

I belong to my own value

I belong to the Kingdom of God that is so overwhelming beautiful and filled with abundance, love and grace and I belong to that Kingdom and that cool group before I even believe

God named us good

God told us that God wants us to live a life of abundance 

God called us beloved

That is the group I want to belong to know and know with my whole heart I do. The group that stands up for one another, the group that doesn't try to please everyone, the group that is simply present in the fact that we are all just living our lives doing the very best we can 

Because in the end we will all be one together, with God and for God and the other stuff will no longer matter.

Find that fire inside of you that forces you to believe all of this and know that when you are struggling;

You belong

You matter

You are enough

You are worthy 

You are beloved

-Pastor Ali 

(oh and don't be afraid to use your voice. God gave you that too and it is powerful)

- and one more thing. I truly believe in the power of medication and know that for a time in my life it saved me. I hope if you read this and are one medications for anxiety or depression that you know I am not suggesting you get off of those. Absolutely not. They are life saving for many of us and I am grateful that I know they will be there for me if I find myself needing them again. 

No comments:

Post a Comment