Today is also Memorial Day. A day to not only remember those that fought for our county but also those that have gone before us. Today I am remembering my daddy, my Grandpa and my Grandma. This morning Yvette and Samira asked if I wanted to ride with them to Starbucks. For some reason or another we started talking about my dad and possibly for the first time I referred to his death as "beautiful".
Beautiful is never a way that I thought I would describe death but really when you are able to see the unintended blessings that come from it, you really can see the beauty in life and death.
The death of my father opened my eyes to what kind of life I want to live. A life of truth, honesty and goodness. A life where I find blessing and beauty even in the midst of grief and darkness. A life where I can enjoy the small moments with my children in the middle of a day filled with tears, whining and struggles. And simply a life where I can live as a disciple of Christ spreading grace, love and mercy to all those that I meet.
The first day we got to the house we are staying at I was flooded with emotion of the last time we were here. It was 5 months after my dad died and I was not in a good place. I was anxious and grieving. I was angry and searching for answers to why but this year is different. As Henry and I walked out on to the pier I stopped him in the middle and told him that I wanted to tell him something. I told him that the last time I was here I was really sad but that this place made me feel better. He asked me why and I told him because God is everywhere here. God is in the water, the waves, the sky, the beaches and the stillness of the mornings. Of course his answer was "Ok mom. When do we go swimming". I laughed and we walked on to the pier.
As I continue to grow and learn I know that God intends for my life to be abundant and filled with blessing, grace, mercy and love. I know that God will work through me to care for others and to care for myself. I also know that God will continue to show me that even in the midst of pain, darkness and struggle there is beauty and hope. When we are able and willing to listen to the voice inside of us, perhaps that of God, it is amazing what can come of it.
Beauty is all around us. Even in death. The day my dad died wasn't beautiful. It was snowing and cold and we were all in shock that it was happening. But there was beauty in the hospice workers that swooped in like angels, in the friends that came over and said goodbye, in the family that filled the rooms, in the food that started being delivered and in the final breath my dad took as we all stood around him, held hands and said the Lord's Prayer. I can find that beauty now. I can look back and see where the blessings were. I know that all people aren't able to do this. It takes time, reflection and awareness of what life and death truly mean. Of what an eternity may actually look like for each of us and what our life is meant to be. But I do believe it is possible. No matter the situation or circumstance, no matter the struggle or darkness. I believe that in the midst of it all God is always present, holding us and offering light and hope.
I hope my children will grow this way. To know God even in their darkest struggles. To know that they can ask God for help. To know grace, mercy and love and to always remember the ones that go before us and the beauty that can come from it.
Perhaps we can all find a bit of paradise today as we remember the ones that have gone before us. I sure know I will.
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