"Wherever is your heart I call home"

My family moved to Olathe when I was 14. Just about to start high school. We moved from Wichita, from a school I had gone to through 8th grade, a beloved church and so many friends. I remember the day we moved into our home on Hunter drive. I couldn't believe how big the house was. I kept thinking my dad must have gotten a really good job and we were now rich. To be honest,I learned later that the house was very typical for the area. 4 bedrooms, two story with a finished basement. Nothing spectacular or special but it became our home.

That home is where we all graduated from high school, where we all grew up. Where we all went through the hardest years of our lives. Where my mom used to run through the kitchen and show us all how well she can jump :-) Where my dad would turn on music in the hearth room and sit singing with his eyes closed. And later where my dad passed away.

My mom had to make the impossible decision last year to leave her home. It wasn't possible for her to stay solely on her income. She moved to a lovely house with tons of space but it still doesn't quite feel the same.

I drive my parents house weekly. It is right across the street from the church I work at and every time I pass by I have a different memory that brings a smile across my face. The house was on the market for quite awhile and finally the for sale sign has disappeared. This home is soon to be the home to another family.

As I drove by today, I noticed my mom's roses were blooming. I pulled into the driveway and helped myself to a few of them. I figured if anyone asked me what I was doing I would simply say "My mom planted these, so technically they are mine" Then I would run very quickly to my car and speed away. No one saw me. No one even noticed. I am not sure the house is even occupied right now. But these flowers are sitting in front of me reminding me of my home.

How do you define home? Is it a structure? Is it the people? Is it a feeling you get in a certain place?

The home I am building now with Paul, Henry and Tannie is now what I call home. It is the place where I feel the safest. Where I know I am valued, loved and seen. My home is where I always want to go back to. It is more than the structure. It is the people in it for me.

I find peace in knowing that my home here on this earth is not the only home I will have. I know that God has prepared a place for me as Jesus tells his disciples in John 14:1-4

Home is where you find love. Where you find grace and where you find mercy. I find that with God. I find that with my church family and I have faith that my idea of home will continue beyond this life and into eternity.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going."

The home I grew up in was filled with all of those things and the home that I am building for my family is as well.

My mom discovered a song shortly after she made the decision to leave her home. Brandi Carlile sings of home and it not being a structure or a place but wherever your heart is. The words bring me comfort daily and peace knowing that my dad will be with us all again and that home truly is wherever your heart is.

I think it's time we found a way back home
You lose so many things you love as you grow
I missed the days when I was just a kid
My fear became my shadow, I swear it did

Wherever is your heart I call home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know
Wherever is your heart I call home

You made me feel like I was always falling
Always falling down without a place to land
Somewhere in the distance I heard you calling
Oh it hurts so bad to let go of your hand

Even when you're high, you can get low
Even with your friends you love, you're still alone
We always find the darkest place to go
God forgive our minds, we were born to roam

Oh God forgive my mind, oh God forgive my mind
When I come home, when I come home
Oh God forgive my mind
There's a road that's long and winding, it hollers home
I'm calling home

Wherever is your heart I call home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know
Wherever is your heart I call home

The home on hunter drive may no longer be ours but it is a part of my heart. It is a part of who I am and will always hold a piece of me in it. While I hold on to the memories of that home, I look forward to the memories that I will make in my own with the ones that I love, in my mom's new house as a family that continues to grow and thrive in the midst of loss and in the one that I will someday enter with my God and my daddy. "Where ever is your heart, I call home"

Flowers are a glimpse into eternity for me. I found it symbolic to take them as a way to remember that home is where I am and where I will be going.