Embracing vulnerability

Every semester at Grace we are given the opportunity to lead "life groups" these are small covenant groups within the church where we study something that brings us closer to God and closer together as a community of God's people.

I was set. I knew what I was doing. I have had a lot of interest in the original family in Genesis and found a great study. I knew that was what I was going to do.

Last week.... "Ali, do you want to lead a life group on 'The Shack'" was asked to me by both two co-workers. I told them nope. I am good. I have my group, I have ordered the books and I am excited about it. They both were hoping someone would take it on since the author of the book will be coming to Grace in October. I didn't want to. I didn't want to lead a group on death and healing and where is God in all of that. How incredibly vulnerable.

That night I had a dream about my dad. Of course I did. He told me to be brave. He told me to embrace what is hard for me. I woke up and knew I was going to change my life group. I was going to lead a group on "The Shack"

As the study is getting closer and the publication promoting it goes out this week, I am feeling anxious. I am feeling vulnerable, I am feeling grief. I talk about my grief all the time. I talk about my emotions and where I am at in my healing process but to actually lead a group on this topic terrifies me.

I know that the best kind of teacher is one that has experience but what if I am not good enough? What if I don't have the right things to say? What if? What if? What if?

Being vulnerable is something I have learned is key to ministry. It is key to forming relationships with people and it is key to having connections with people that are meaningful and help you in your life story.

I look forward to leading this group. I am quite terrified but I do know that it will help me in my own healing process, that it will help others and it will help me to embrace my own pain so that I can open myself to something bigger than I. To a higher power that heals me, that brings light in the dark and that brings my own pain out in the open so that I can help others heal from theirs.

Embracing my pain and the vulnerability that comes with talking about it is gives me strength. I can only can only hope that this group may do that for others. I am not sure what to expect, I don't know if anyone will even sign up. But I do know that every Wednesday for 6 weeks I will be open to the possibility of continued healing, of leading others on their own healing journey and talking about where God is in the midst of our darkest and deepest pain.

God bless this beautiful life I have been given and the opportunities I have to be vulnerable even when it terrifies me.