My Mom

Over the weekend my mom had the honor of speaking at a fundraiser for Gilda's Club. Gilda's club is a non-profit across the country that works with people living with cancer. Gilda's also provides support to family and friends that are supporting their loved ones through the terrible disease.

My mom and dad went to Gilda's club every week for a long period of time before my dad passed away. My mom also attended their living with loss support group and found great peace during that time. I found myself needing support after losing my dad and also attended a few one on one sessions with a therapist there.

My point is Gilda's Club KC has been a huge support to my family and my mother was able to share her experience with a room full of people on Saturday night.

I am writing about this today simply to tell you all about the incredible strength that my mother has. Standing in front of a room full of people and talking about the horrible experience and continued grief that comes with losing your spouse takes bravery. Incredible bravery that I admire.

When my dad got sick my mom kept a lot of her pain and fear to herself. I think she did this as a way to protect her children and maybe herself from the reality of what has happening. As a mom myself, I know I would do anything to keep my child from pain, even if that meant bearing it all myself. My mother took on that pain, pain no one should ever have to go through alone.

I simply can not imagine what it is like to lose your husband of 36 years and your best friend. My parents had a relationship that I strive for on a daily basis. They simply loved each other. Watching my mother care for my dad at the end of his life was one of the greatest blessings I have ever had. We thought we had days at the end. Days that turned into hours. I know my mom didn't get to say all the things she wanted to but I truly believe that he hears her say them every single day and he would have been so proud of her on Saturday.

I have learned so much from my mom over the course of my life. She has always been supportive, taught my sister and I how to be strong, brave, independent women and taught us the importance of family. My mom stayed home for the first part of my life. She sacrificed her career to raise her children and I am grateful every day for that. Yet, I am also incredibly grateful for the work that she does now. My mother works for Planned Parenthood and fights for women's reproductive rights every single day. Currently the country is split on their feelings of the organization and it is a bit of a scary place to work. I admire her strength to get up every single day and work insanely long hours so that women can continue to have reproductive freedom. I believe in many ways, Planned Parenthood helped my mom to find her voice and passion. She loves what she does and really believes in it.

I think the bravest thing about my mother is not the fact that she "deals" with her grief in the "appropriate" way but that she is open to being vulnerable and vocal about it. She doesn't hide the fact that she is grieving, nor should she have to. Our society expects you to get over it within about 6 weeks. Seems like enough time, right? When in reality most people will grieve the loss of a loved one for the rest of their life. And that is OK. In fact that is the bravest thing a person can do. To lean into their pain and experience it. Don't shut it out, don't push it down, lean in to. It is the hardest thing you will ever do but it is really the only way to "get through it".

As I wrap this up, I just want to say thank you to my mom. For being an example of pure strength and loving us all even when we are hard to love. You are an amazing woman and I can't imagine my life without you. I know life is not easy but I do believe in the power of God's love, grace and mercy and I do believe that in the end all of this pain and loss will make sense. How? I am not sure, but that is simply what gets me through the day and allows me to have faith and to be brave. All of which I learned from you.

I love you, mama.